10 Babylon Bee Headlines That No Longer Sound Like Satire
AUSTIN, TX - SEPTEMBER 28: Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) answers a question from MSNBC's Chris Hays during a panel at The Texas Tribune Festival on September 28, 2019 in Austin, Texas. The festival held over a dozen panels and speaking events with democratic presidential candidates as well as prominent Texas republicans.
Sergio Flores/Getty Images

After Gina Carano dominated both the news media and social media after being fired by Disney as the latest victim of cancel culture and then announcing an exciting partnership with the Daily Wire, Senator Ted Cruz was widely mocked by many on the Left without any sense of irony or understanding.

Retweeting a Babylon Bee post which read, “Disney Posts Job Ad Looking For Strong, Fierce Women Who Are Obedient, Submissive, and Docile,” Ted Cruz wrote “I wish this was parody.”

The Babylon Bee is a conservative news satire website, known among those on the Right for publishing satirical articles on politics, culture, and religion. The joke, of course, was that the Babylon Bee’s latest headline — Disney looking for “obedient, submissive, and docile” women who are “strong” and “fierce” — is not as far from fantasy as we would hope.

A wave of Leftists on Twitter delighted in informing Cruz that the Babylon Bee is parody! Ha ha! The Federalist’s Mollie Hemingway summarized this attempted “gotcha” moment succinctly:

However, this isn’t the first time that satirical headlines from the Babylon Bee have been more true-to-life than many would assume. Here are ten times the Babylon Bee was spot on.

Replace Navy SEALs with Social Workers

Riffing on the absurd calls to “defund the police” which included the demand that social workers replace police officers in multiple dangerous scenarios, this Babylon Bee suggestion could easily be featured as part of the DNC’s 2024 platform.

Proving That ‘Cuties’ Is Bad With Puppy Murder

In response to Netflix’s hugely controversial movie, “Cuties,” which sexualized children to the applause of global critics, some defended its production by arguing that its portrayal of vulnerable children was evidence that the abuse of children is immoral.

The Babylon Bee ran with this, using the on-screen murder of puppies to prove that murdering puppies is bad.

Wildfires? Wear a Mask!

Throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, the use of masks became a religious act. Regardless of the type of mask worn or whether it was properly used, “wear a mask” was seen as the solution to all-things-Covid. If someone caught the virus, they were immediately asked “did you wear a mask?”

As wildfires across America’s West Coast spread uncontrollably, the Babylon Bee hinted at this empty logic by presenting Gavin Newsom’s latest fire prevention tactic: wear a mask.

How to Actually Fight White Privilege in Congress

As Black Lives Matter riots spread across the country, Democrats in Congress went into full pandering mode. One famous moment involved high profile Democrats — most of whom were white — “taking a knee” wearing kente stoles, shortly after introducing the Justice in Policing Act. 

The Babylon Bee suggested an alternative way these Democrats could take a stand against white privilege: resign.

Worshiping or Rioting?

Throughout the political storm of COVID-19 lockdowns, one particularly contentious and controversial example of government overreach was the state-mandated shutdown of places of worship. 

Given that rioters were simultaneously being permitted by Democrats across the country to loot and burn, The Babylon Bee pointed out such clear hypocrisy by suggesting that Churchgoers simply disguise themselves as rioters.

Justice for Hans

After George Floyd died while in police custody, the Black Lives Matter movement once more rose to prominence in American life. Combined with the media’s constant mischaracterization of police behavior, one outcome was the assumption that any death related to any police interaction was evidence of systemic police racism. This resulted in Jacob Blake being described as a hero — speaking with both Joe Biden and Kamala Harris — despite being shot while resisting arrest and attempting to access a knife after his ex-girlfriend — a woman he had allegedly sexually assaulted — called the police.

This argument was taken to its logical conclusion by The Babylon Bee, who pointed out that Black Lives Matter would have protested against the death of Hans Gruber, the villain in Die Hard.

Cancel Culture vs. Abortion

As the mentality of cancel culture partnered with Black Lives Matter, the movement for the eradication of historical figures deemed “problematic” gained momentum. Statues were toppled and schools renamed as Leftists stood on their assumed moral high ground.

The Babylon Bee pointed out that America’s 3,000 abortions a day presents a counter-argument to this assumption.

Cancel Culture vs. Aunt Jemima

Another bizarre outcome of the combination of cancel culture and Black Lives Matter was the politically-correct rush to eradicate all “problematic” elements of pop culture. The Babylon Bee posted a headline which highlighted the counter-productive anti-racism action of driving out people of color, citing Aunt Jemima, Uncle Ben and The Simpsons’ Apu as examples.

Make way for non-criminals!

One of California’s many unconscionable COVID-19 policies was the decision to release hoards of inmates from the state’s prison system, apparently to prevent spread among the prison population. Simultaneously, authoritarian state governments like that of California cracked down on normal law-abiding citizens simply for breaking COVID-19 lockdown restrictions.

The Babylon Bee combined these absurd policies into a “prisoner swap” headline.

‘Mostly Peaceful’ March on Minas Tirith

During the summer of 2020, multiple cities were dragged to their knees by widespread and politically-celebrated violence. Rioters trashed businesses, homes, and government buildings, with many hurt and some even killed. Meanwhile, the legacy media rallied to defend or obfuscate, using the now clichéd “mostly peaceful protest” slogan. Referencing the third Lord of the Rings movie, the Babylon Bee added this “mostly peaceful” spin to one of the story’s central — and most violent — battles.

Ian Haworth is an Editor and Writer for The Daily Wire. Follow him on Twitter at @ighaworth.

The views expressed in this piece are the author’s own and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.


Already have an account? Login
The Daily Wire   >  Read   >  10 Babylon Bee Headlines That No Longer Sound Like Satire