The following is an exclusive excerpt from The Babylon Bee Guide To Wokeness, available November 2 from Salem Books.
Movies and television shows are possibly the most powerful weapons in the woke arsenal — along with Molotov cocktails. Those are good too. But they still don’t compare to the awesome power of woke indoctrination on a massive IMAX screen.
Many people think that art and storytelling are meant to communicate truth and beauty, provide escapism, and entertain, but they’re wrong! People who attempt to enjoy a movie and escape the real world for a few hours are actually choosing to close themselves off from the oppression and lived experiences of BIPOCs. Not good!
According to woke doctrine, the main purpose of entertainment is actually to beat you over the head with relentless woke messaging while constantly reminding you of injustice that happens all around you. YOU MUST NEVER ESCAPE THE REAL WORLD.
You must be forced to face your own culpability in systemic injustice every day until everyone achieves complete equity. The reason entertainment is so effective is that it taps into the viewer’s emotions. Emotions are powerful internal forces that have the ability to override all logic and rationality.
Since logic and rationality are oppressive features of whiteness invented by slaveholders, they must be suppressed at all times in order to achieve full wokeness. A person operating from pure emotion after viewing a powerful story or listening to a beautiful song can be convinced to do almost anything—like tear down a statue of literally any old white man, no matter who he was.
In order to build an entire generation of irrational, emotional, and passionate minds, we must immerse people in woke entertainment from birth to adulthood.
Here are some of the essential elements of woke entertainment:
Representation: Representation is the most important thing in the world. It can only be obtained by enforcing artificial quotas for every possible minority group. It’s like racism—except it’s the good kind.
A villainous character who obviously represents Trump: Every good and timeless story should clearly remind the viewer that Trump is bad. Make it subtle by giving the villain orange hair and make him talk about building walls.
Girl Power: Because of patriarchy, men have dominated masculine roles in cinema, but no more! The future is female! Now, all roles traditionally filled by men, such as action heroes and super spies, should be filled by women. Female characters must be strong and have no flaws from the beginning of the story until the end—just like in real life.
Everyone must be gay: Literally everyone.
Fun reminders of the world’s impending doom: Every woke story must include a heavy-handed allegory about the coming environmental disasters as a result of capitalism.
Dismantling: Dismantle the lore, dismantle the characters, and dismantle everything that made the original story and lore great. This will stick it to the white male patriarchy and illustrate the importance of dismantling things in general.
At least one scene where the hero kneels during the national anthem: If your hero doesn’t recognize America’s problematic past through performative kneeling on national television, she’s not a hero. Be sure to contrast this with a scene where the villain stands up and respects the American flag to drive the point home!
Redefine “the family”: Traditional families, in which a cis-female marries a cis-male and they have children, are extremely problematic. Your story must not portray or honor a family like this. Instead, it should feature a band of misfits who look out for each other and call themselves a family. Family can be whatever you want it to be!
Christian characters must be over-the-top creepy weirdos: We assume this is what they are like.
Director and writer must be minority women: REPRESENTATION MATTERS. It doesn’t matter if the story is well written or directed, as long as you have REPRESENTATION!
98 percent critic score on Rotten Tomatoes, 12 percent audience score: If your movie pleases the enlightened woke critics and angers the racist masses that flock to movie theaters, you’ve done something right. Don’t worry about revenue—the studio will just take all the woke stuff out for the Chinese market and you’ll still make a killing.
The Babylon Bee is a satirical conservative and Christian news site. Their new book The Babylon Bee Guide To Wokeness, is available November 2 from Salem Books.