The following is satirical.
Journalists are talking about the fact that President Trump is taking hydroxychloroquine because journalists are stupid and don’t realize they’re one day going to die and they will never be given back the time they spent talking about this but will instead regret it to the very depths of their bodies and souls as they realize that, when they could have been reading a book or playing with a child or praying or looking at the stars or, who knows, even covering the news, they were instead discussing what medicine the president was taking and turning themselves into second-rate versions of Joe Scarborough, which would make them fourth-rate versions of themselves since Joe Scarborough is already a second-rate version of everyone else, and so will finally have to stare at the image of what they are and what they might have become if they hadn’t wasted their lives talking about this absolutely unimportant non-issue.
Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker of the House, who is 80 years old and so has very little time left to waste, nonetheless wasted some of it by attacking the president’s physique, saying, “He shouldn’t take this medicine because he’s fat. Fat, fat, fat. A fat fatty porky fat fatso. He’s so fat he makes Stacey Abrams look like a fashion model, although a really, really fat fashion model because she’s even fatter than Jerrold Nadler and that guy’s a walking tub of lard and he’s not even half as fat as Michael Moore who’s even fatter than Trump who’s so fat he could die the slow, painful, horrifying death that I’ve imagined for him over and over again while I’m praying for him every day.”
NBC’s Chuck Todd, recently elected president of the Association of Degraded Hacks Still Pretending to be Journalists, cheered the speaker’s remarks, saying, “This is the sort of incisive, intelligent, nuanced commentary that we rely on to keep us from covering Obamagate.”
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