Opinion

Ilhan Omar Reimagines Law Enforcement Without Law Or Enforcement [Satire]

   DailyWire.com
A dumpster explodes after it was set on fire at 19th Street near Franklin Street in Oakland, Calif., during the second night of protests over George Floyd's death by the Minneapolis police on Saturday, May 30, 2020. (Ray Chavez/Digital First Media/East Bay Times via Getty Images)
Ray Chavez/Digital First Media/East Bay Times via Getty Images

The following is satirical.

Minnesota Congresswoman and Absolutely Terrible Person Ilhan Omar says it’s time we dismantled police departments so we can “reimagine public safety.”

In a speech made before the demons of hell as they waited with bated fiery breath for the moment when they would be set free to drag her into the pit of eternal flames, Congresswoman Omar said, “It is absolutely intolerable that racist police can arrest someone just because she married her own brother in an attempt to give him fraudulent citizenship. Not that that ever happened. I’m just saying if it did happen and someone was arrested for doing that, it would be intolerable for that particular congresswoman.”

Congresswoman Omar said she was planning to meet with other thoroughly disgusting human beings to discuss new ways of envisioning law enforcement without such outdated qualities as law or enforcement.

Congresswoman Omar told a gathering of maggots crawling over the body of a human sacrifice, “I believe in neighborhood peacekeeping groups comprised of young men who not only protect anyone who pays them a weekly fee in unmarked bills placed in brown paper bags, but will also deliver needed pharmaceuticals from the finest laboratories in Mexico which would also provide jobs for naked American women who will lace the product with baking soda and occasionally bleach.”

Congresswoman Omar was joined in her drive to eliminate policing by a large collection of college age white women who were part of a movement to help normalize the inability to reason.

As spokeswoman Tiffany Stupid screamed at the top of her lungs, “I am sick and tired of having the ability to call the police any time I just happen to be raped and beaten within an inch of my life. Women in marginalized communities can’t do that, or if they can, I would like to live there.”

Other proposals to reimagine public safety include burning the city of Minneapolis to the ground and praying for the return of Jesus as soon as churches reopen.

More satire from Andrew Klavan: Totally Scientific Experiments Show Virus Won’t Spread Among Crowds If Democrats Approve Of Their Cause

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