Welcome to our Christmas show, a Christmas gathering with my son and daughter where we’ll reflect on the meaning of Christmas, look back on Christmases past, and just basically say the word Christmas as often as we can in the hope you’ll buy our books so we can take the rest of the year off.
You know, just the other evening, I was sitting here by the fireplace, drinking eggnog and eating Christmas cookies, and wondering whether to induce vomiting or simply lapse into unconsciousness. And I was listening to a radio tuned to the North Pole so I could hear the elves playing their magical rendition of “My Grown-Up Christmas List” — that song where a woman goes to see Santa Claus and asks that wars will never start and right will always win and who knows what other nonsense. And I felt so inspired because I thought to myself, you know, if crap like this can get airplay every Christmas, I could probably just smack a squealing piglet with a trash can lid over and over and call it a Christmas song and make a fortune.
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