Glorious Socialist Plan Saves California By Burning It To The Ground [Satire]

Gov. Gavin Newsom tours a home destroyed in the Kincade Fire, Friday, Oct. 25, 2019, in Geyserville, Calif. (Karl Mondon/MediaNews Group/The Mercury News via Getty Images)
Karl Mondon/MediaNews Group/The Mercury News via Getty Images

The following is satirical.

Hurrah! Here in the socialist state of California, Kommissar Gavin Newsom has gifted us with rolling electrical blackouts that glorify the great progress we have made under Marxist rule.

The blackouts will prevent high capitalist winds from blowing over PG&E’s rotting equipment and causing even more of the glorious forest fires which are all part of the genius of the wonderful socialist programs which have lifted our state to greatness over the past 30 years.

Under our socialist rule, the state’s Public Utilities Commission has forced PG&E to spend as much as $500 million a year to meet our glorious five year plan of reducing the cost of wind and solar energy to low income households.

Thus, our socialist overlords have guided the electric company to join the heroic workers’ fight against evil capitalist climate change which, as our infallible socialist computer models have predicted, will surely destroy the world by seven years ago.

Of course, spending all that money on green energy means PG&E has no money for repairing the rotten electrical equipment with which billionaires indulge themselves in useless luxuries like electric lights and cooked food. And since PG&E can’t repair its equipment, it often blows over and starts the beautiful forest fires which, in turn, serve our glorious socialist aims by forcing capitalist running dogs to abandon their energy-inefficient single-family homes.

Under our brilliant socialist plan, the fires also spread to our cities so that they can chase away the rats that have been gathering there due to our deep socialist charity to the poor who would have no place to sleep or even go to the bathroom if we did not let them sleep and go to the bathroom on our streets. And of course fire is a wonderful way to purge our air of the evil capitalist bubonic plague that the rats carry.

And so, comrades, under socialism, California is eliminating plague, rats, homelessness, houses and electricity by burning the entire state to the ground.

Once again: Hurrah! Now on to Texas!

Related: New Fire Ravages Wealthy LA Area: LeBron James Forced To Evacuate

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The Daily Wire   >  Read   >  Glorious Socialist Plan Saves California By Burning It To The Ground [Satire]