Feminism Lied To A Generation Of Women. Now They’re Realizing What They Actually Want.

Over the past few years, I have discussed the pitfalls of feminism many times over. Recently, Gen Z has taken the spotlight for straying from the millennial girlboss trajectory in favor of a different avenue, including finding and being in their Soft-girl Era. They’re avoiding the grind at all costs. But what about the women who came before them? What is going to happen to the millennial girl bosses? And how did they get there in the first place?

First, it is worth noting that women are waking up and realizing that Third Wave feminism has not delivered on its promises. They feel lied to — rightly so — and some millennials have shared their thoughts on social media, explaining in videos how they fell for the lies and why they are now reevaluating their values, perspective, and future. They are genuinely processing through this reevaluation — not reading from a script. They aren’t even angrily spewing their thoughts. They’re just documenting in real time the realization they’re coming to.

Screenshot: TikTok

These types of videos fill my feed, with women saying they feel lied to by culture, that they fell for the “I could do everything myself, that hyper independent bullsh*t.” This particular woman went on to explain that she is 31 with no kids or family because she was focused on making money, but now she is in a place where she is reevaluating “everything” including her values, perspectives, and desires for the future, which she says is, indeed, a family. And she is not the only one. Many women around her age are reevaluating their lives and what they have been focused on for the last 10 years. It’s heartbreaking — because these women really were lied to.

The feminist marketing machine of the last 30 years has been insanely hard at work in society, and to not lean into it was considered weird. The nontraditional path was the only way, lest you be considered a black sheep. But now, millennial women who did not choose the road less traveled and, instead, followed what had become the “normal” route are taking a good long look at their lives as they inch closer to middle age — and many do not like what they see. Even the comments of these videos prove this to be true: “Family over everything.”

Screenshot: TikTok

The sad thing is that “family over everything” used to be the norm. At one time, family was what people prioritized. Now, however, it’s as though you must mature and age into realizing that is what is most important. Another comment in this video reads, “This is how we will heal our society, glad to see more women waking up.” One even casts blame on Beyonce, saying, “Yes! I blame Beyonce! Independent woman song the programming started in high school!” There are plenty of cultural icons in the entertainment industry who have furthered this idea that women do not need anything or anyone except their career and themselves to be happy — just one of the many societal prominent influences.

WATCH: The Comments Section with Brett Cooper

At the end of last year, Business Insider published an essay titled, “I’m 38 and single, and I recently realized I want a child. I’m terrified I’ve missed my opportunity.” In it, Melissa Persling explains that she got married young, decided she did not want to be a wife or a mother after all, and began to resent the man she married. When they’d married, they had agreed she would be a stay-at-home wife, but she fell into the feminist trap — and followed society’s lead. They got divorced, and she spent the ensuing years focusing on herself, chasing her career, and dating people who also did not want to get married or have children. Persling did not want to marry again, saying in her essay, “I needed independence, a fulfilling career, and space to chart my own course, and I didn’t think marriage fit into that vision. I was content to look forward to a future without a husband, children, or the trappings of a ‘traditional’ life.”

Then, she turned 38. She says she was amazed that she “began seriously thinking about marriage and children.” She goes on to explain she began feeling selfish and “went from proudly proclaiming I was too self-centered to be bothered with a family to realizing there was more to life than independence and the pleasures of living for oneself. My very existence started to feel shallow and hollow.” She said the quiet part out loud. Feminism tells women they need to be self-centered, that it’s healthy, when in reality, feminism glamorizes narcissism. And no one has ever seen a truly happy or fulfilled narcissist.

Society has told women that nothing matters except themselves and that because they don’t need anyone else, they shouldn’t want anyone else. In fact, wanting a partner, specifically a male partner, is indoctrination from the patriarchy. And yet, we are social creatures. We rely on community and partnership. We are biologically designed to both need and want a better half for protection, for procreation, and for community. Wanting such is not oppressive, backwards, or wrong. Rather, acknowledging such is natural. Furthermore, that certainly doesn’t mean you lose your independence, autonomy, or individuality. In fact, the right partner strengthens all those factors with love, encouragement, and stability so that you can do good in the world and come home to a loving person.

Persling ends her open letter writing, “If I sound desperate, it’s because I honestly do feel a little desperate. … I worry that men who want a family aren’t looking for a woman pushing 40. I get it; I’m no longer the ideal candidate for motherhood, and it’s a scary truth. But I still hope to find someone who thinks I’m the ideal partner and create our family together.” I am grieved for this woman and so many others in the same situation. I genuinely hope she finds someone, and I know that it’s possible she can.

For the women who are waking up to this realization, we should treat them with kindness. The typical Right-wing, red-pilled response defaults to making fun of them and throwing their choices in their faces. However, that does nothing to encourage or welcome them to this side of the aisle. The fact is, these women did make choices and they are facing the consequences — but they are taking responsibility. They shouldn’t be shamed for that. And we cannot ignore that they did not make these choices alone. They followed the mandates culture gave them, and they were doing what they believed to be the right thing at the time.

When women take account of their lives and values to make a change, they should never be mocked or have fingers pointed at them. Our society needs good women. We need good mothers. And we need good families.