Dem Candidates Unveil Competing Plans To Destroy The Country [Satire]

The following is satirical.

As the 2020 election now looms over us like a gigantic swinging blade coming closer and closer to the writhing body of a semi-clad female that we must spring into action to heroically save — or maybe that’s just a fantasy I had — but anyway, as the 2020 election draws closer, it’s time to take a look at some of the policies being proposed by the Democratic candidates in order to help voters decide whether to run for their lives or hide out in an underground bunker with 40 years’ worth of freeze-dried food.