It seems that “woke” sex has enough rules and regulations to fill countless anthologies. Take, for example, the case of this one cis woman, who is so “repelled by heterosexuality, politically and personally,” that she now wants to date gay or bi-sexual men so that she still can experience the “d***” that she so enjoys.
In the latest “How To Do It” column for the left-wing publication Slate, an anonymous woman lamented that her woke convictions have created for her a “classic millennial sex pickle” that is rather convoluted and riddled with contradictions, to put it mildly. In her own words:
I’m a cis woman in kind of a classic millennial sex pickle: I’m really repelled by heterosexuality, politically and personally, but I’m also really into d***. I’ve been thinking maybe I should look for bi dudes/ bicurious gay dudes, but I am not sure how best to do that. Rich, what would you think of a woman being on Grindr or Scruff? I do want to be respectful of gay men’s spaces and not horn in where I’m not welcome, but I really would love to find a vers guy with queer politics who would be up for casually dating a woman. What do you think? If you were me, where would you look?
Fortunately for this woman, writer Rich Juzwiak is up to the task of solving her “classic millennial sex pickle,” which comes with its own set of rules as she navigates the harsh terrain of being a cis woman in the gay dating world.
“If you enter a space as someone who is not a member of the demographic for which said space was established, you should behave yourself,” Rick advises the woman, who he says abides by a code of “self-flagellating d**k politics.” “Don’t try to make something that has been designed to be not about you about you. The world is not your bachelorette party. So if you must go the route of using digital spaces dominated by men seeking men, as a cis woman with (no offense?) ostensibly hetero desires, don’t bother people. Let them come to you.”
According to Rick, many women have ventured into the terrain of Grindr and Scruff only to experience a tremendous amount of hostility from the gay and bisexual men who view them as sexual tourists. However, due to the increasing presence of the transgender community on those dating apps, they have become less male-exclusive in recent years. Ultimately, Rick advises her to seek out “queer sex parties” where she’s more likely than not to encounter the kind of “d**k” she wants. He closes by giving her a much-needed reality check: Queer men are not immune to misogyny.
“There are a lot of sh***y men who identify as gay and bi, and their queerness doesn’t automatically absolve them of misogyny,” says Rich. “In fact, the misogyny in some of these dudes is compounded by a perceived lack of use for women. At least straight guys will pretend to be civilized for the sake of getting laid. Ultimately, I feel like you’re going to end up with some big-d****ed puppy dog of a straight guy who’s read some theory here and there, anyway? I mean, by all means, have fun until you find him, but I’d put money on that being where this is going.”