Model and Democratic activist Chrissy Teigen on Monday broke her month-long silence since reports surfaced that she told a troubled minor to kill herself and bullied other famous young women online.
Teigen, who has taken a hit in the pocketbook since the troubling reports of her bullying, wrote a lengthy piece in Medium outlining her regret over her past actions.
“It has been a VERY humbling few weeks,” the Sports Illustrated model started the post. “I want you to know I’ve been sitting in a hole of deserved global punishment, the ultimate ‘sit here and think about what you’ve done.’ Not a day, not a single moment has passed where I haven’t felt the crushing weight of regret for the things I’ve said in the past.”
It was revealed last month that Teigen routinely targeted then-16-year-old Courtney Stodden with numerous nasty messages that included a “fantasy” of Stodden taking a “dirt nap.”
Stodden, whose mother troublingly signed off on her then-teen daughter’s marriage to a 50-year-old actor, told The Daily Beast that Teigen even sent her death threats via direct message.
“[Teigen] wouldn’t just publicly tweet about wanting me to take ‘a dirt nap’ but would privately DM me and tell me to kill myself,” Stodden said. “Things like, ‘I can’t wait for you to die.’”
In mid-May, Teigen publicly acknowledged her disturbing behavior and apologizing to Stodden. The apology, though, was not well-received by Stodden, who claimed it felt like Teigen was just trying to protect her brand. Stodden also disputed Teigen’s claim that she tried to privately reach out to her; Stodden emphasized her assertions by posting a screenshot showing that Teigen has blocked her on Twitter, apparently preventing a private, direct message conversation.
In her Medium post, Teigen acknowledged that she has yet to reach out privately to Stodden, though she said she’s “in the process” of doing so.
“I understand that they may not want to speak to me. I don’t think I’d like to speak to me. (The real truth in all of this is how much I actually cannot take confrontation.) But if they do, I am here and I will listen to what they have to say, while apologizing through sobs,” Teigen wrote.
“There is simply no excuse for my past horrible tweets,” the model continued. “My targets didn’t deserve them. No one does. Many of them needed empathy, kindness, understanding and support, not my meanness masquerading as a kind of casual, edgy humor.”
“In reality, I was insecure, immature and in a world where I thought I needed to impress strangers to be accepted,” Teigen said. “If there was a pop culture pile-on, I took to Twitter to try to gain attention and show off what I at the time believed was a crude, clever, harmless quip. I thought it made me cool and relatable if I poked fun at celebrities.”
Now, Teigen has become the victim of “incredible vitriol,” she wrote, an “irony” that is “not lost” on her:
Life has made me more empathetic. I’m more understanding of what motivates trolling — the instant gratification that you get from lashing out and clapping back, throwing rocks at someone you think is invincible because they’re famous. Also, I know now how it feels to be on the receiving end of incredible vitriol. Believe me, the irony of this is not lost on me.
“I won’t ask for your forgiveness, only your patience and tolerance,” she closed the post. “I ask that you allow me, as I promise to allow you, to own past mistakes and be given the opportunity to seek self improvement and change.”
Related: ‘Sick’: Candace Owens Calls On Target To Drop Chrissy Teigen After Horrifying Messages Revealed