Bombshell Sets Off Smoking Gun! [Satire]

The following is satirical.

Michael Cohen’s testimony before Congress yesterday was such a bombshell that it set off a smoking gun which caused the walls to close in creating a tipping point that could lead to the end of the line where the I-word — impeachment — would explode like a bombshell that set off a smoking gun.

So smoking was the gun that was set off by the bombshell, TSA agents had to strip-search Michael Cohen to prevent a tipping point that could lead to impeachment — the I-word — the Big Ment — the three syllable bombshell that could mean a tipping point that would bring us to the end of the line where we might find a smoking gun.

In an opening statement, Cohen said, “I sit before you today as a man who pled guilty to lying to Congress under oath—to testify to Congress under oath that I am not lying this time but lied last time—unless I’m lying this time too in which case forget I said anything.”

Cohen testified President Trump never thought he was going to win the election but paid hush money to Stormy Daniels so he wouldn’t lose the election he wasn’t going to win and then colluded with Russia to win the election he knew he would lose. Cohen further charged that Trump told him to lie to Congress by never telling him to lie to Congress, which he took to mean he should lie to Congress so that Trump wouldn’t lose the election he thought he couldn’t win.

After the hearing, the news media agreed that the testimony had been a bombshell of a smoking gun that had caused a tipping point that would bring us to the end of the line where impeachment was waiting like a smoking gun or possibly a bombshell.

Meanwhile, President Trump spent the day trying to denuclearize North Korea and save civilization from extinction.