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Dems Announce Trump’s Next Court Pick Will Be Guilty Of Sexual Misconduct [Satire]

Protesters rally against the confirmation of Supreme Court nominee Judge Brett Kavanaugh, outside of the Supreme Court, October 6, 2018 in Washington, DC.
Drew Angerer/Getty Images

 

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is having serious health problems and Democrat leaders have announced that in the unfortunate event she should pass away, whoever Trump appoints to replace her will be guilty of sexual misconduct.

As conservatives quietly issued prayers for the recovery of their long-time political opponent Ginsburg, leftists broke off their raucous celebrations of the death of libertarian billionaire David Koch to issue denunciations of the sexual misconduct committed by whoever Trump appoints as Ginsburg's replacement should Ginsburg die.

At The New York Times, a former newspaper, editor-in-chief Blithering Prevarication the Third was informed of Ginsburg's illness and immediately called off his Koch death celebration, stopped dancing around a pentagram while dressed as a goat, and assigned his entire op-ed page to women who had been sexually mistreated themselves and were therefore convinced that whoever came forward to accuse whoever was appointed to replace Ginsburg if Ginsburg died would be telling the truth.

 

Angry Times editorialist Michele Angry entitled her editorial "Someone I Know Once Got Whistled At On The Street So I Believe Trump’s Supreme Court Pick Will Be Guilty of Assault When We Find Out Who It Is."

 

Angry's angry editorial read in part, "It is way past time for us to stop thinking rationally and to instead believe every woman who levels charges against anyone we disagree with. I myself was once asked out on a date by someone I didn't find attractive, so I know what it's like to be murdered by the sort of deranged serial killer Trump will appoint if Ginsburg should pass."

Editors at CNN cleared the schedule there to make room for all the women who would come forward after the first accuser to create an atmosphere of credibility that CNN commentators could discuss with sanctimonious looks on their faces. CNN was immediately besieged by neurotics, floozies and prostitutes auditioning for the accuser parts. Several of them will be hosting new talk shows on the cable network this fall.

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