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Candace Owens: Black White Nationalist [Satire]

The following is satirical.

Democrats have been in a panic hunting for White Nationalists and they’ve finally found their insidious leader—Candace Owens. Yes, cleverly disguised as a black woman who, behind the mask, is, okay, actually a black woman, the lovely and outspoken and lovely and did I mention highly attractive Owens crashed a recent congressional committee hearing on the flimsy pretext of having been invited and turned the very serious inquiry into a farce or vice versa by listing the ways in which Democrat policies have hurt black people more than all seventeen White Nationalists put together.

Furious committee chairman Jerrold Nadler heroically interrupted Owens by pounding his gavel in her face and shouting, “Silence, black woman! This is a very serious investigation into the overblown panic about White Nationalism we’re trying to spread so we can demonize President Trump and silence his supporters on social media. If we had wanted to hear from a black woman, we wouldn’t have put the word white in the title of the hearing.”

After Owens described how Democrat policies have destroyed black families, left black children uneducated, and slaughtered millions of black babies through abortion, Eric Swalwell announced he was outraged to hear Owens demonizing the Democrats by insensitively listing things they had actually done. Swalwell said, “This is in itself an act of white terrorism. I know because I’m white and I’m terrified.” He added, “I see you, I hear you, I’m for you, I am you,” before being carted away screaming he was everyone by two hospital attendants.

Congressman Ted Lieu wholly discredited Owens by playing a recording edited to make it sound like she was praising Hitler. Lieu said, “You are exactly the sort of person we champions of black women despise.”

When Owens tried to protest that she would never praise Hitler as he hated minorities like herself, Nadler silenced her again, accusing her of making sense, which, of course, is not allowed in the United States Congress.

Related: WATCH: Candace Owens Wrecks Dem Rep. Ted Lieu After He Plays 'Hitler' Comments On Cellphone

 
 
 

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