Internet comedian JP Sears has weighed in on the date rape controversy surrounding the classic Christmas song "Baby, It's Cold Outside," and it's brilliant.
Wearing an ugly Christmas sweater with the phrase "Woke AF" emblazoned across the chest, the video begins with Sears employing his typical exaggerated persona resembling that of a self-righteous SJW drunk off his recent discovery of something to get upset about. The source of his ire this time: "Baby, It's Cold Outside."
"So here’s the deal," Sears begins. "I was just minding my own business, looking for people to crucify on my witch hunt (instead of dealing with my own pain) and I discovered something terrible: the classic Christmas song, ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ is about date rape!"
The date rape controversy surrounding the song kicked into high gear earlier this month when a Cleveland radio station banned the Christmas classic after listeners complained it allegedly promotes date rape and that it sent the wrong message in the #MeToo era. The song's creator, Frank Loesser, intended it as a flirtatious song between a man and a woman on a cold winter's night, not date rape. Nothing better illustrates this than the part in the song where the woman sings "Baby, it's cold outside" in unison with her male partner, signifying that the two were always in sync. Frank Loesser's daughter recently asserted this was the case, but none of that has assuaged the SJW mob from branding the song forever as a date rape anthem.
JP Sears, however, asserts that the song's intended meaning pales in comparison to what intelligent people like himself think 74 years after the fact.
"It’s either I’m wrong or the song’s always been about date rape, and it’s just taken 74 years for someone as intelligent as me to finally come along and discover it," says Sears.
So here’s the deal, I was just minding my own business, looking for people to crucify on my witch hunt (instead of dealing with my own pain) and I discovered something terrible: the classic Christmas song, ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ is about date rape!
It’s either I’m wrong or the song’s always been about date rape, and it’s just taken 74 years for someone as intelligent as me to finally come along and discover it, and it’s not that I’m wrong.
Here’s what respect for the creator of the song, Frank Loesser, looks like: waiting until he dies, and then you tell the world the meaning of his song. That way you run into less of a chance of him telling you, ‘You’re full of s**t,’ while you’re trying to kill creativity. The intended meaning of the song in 1944 has nothing to do with the true meaning of the song, which was just discovered in 2018 by people who are not the writer of the song.
Get this: the writer’s own daughter says the song was about flirtatiousness in the 1940’s and that it wasn’t about date rape. Sounds like she didn’t even know her own father. And I think it’s terribly offensive that she could even think it’s not about date rape. I’m glad her dad’s dead.
With this same mentality, I can look at the bible and accurately deduce that God is a murderous a**hole for all the flooding – ‘Baby, It’s Wet Outside,’ same thing. And based on this accurate observation, I think the bible should be banned because it promotes murder.
If my interpretation of the song is correct, and I know it is because I’m really angry, then I want to take a look at when Lady Gaga and Joseph Gordon Levitt did ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ as a duet with the roles reversed. She sang the male part, he sang the lady part.
Looking at this from my perspective, you’ll see Lady Gaga continuously raping Joseph Gordon Levitt on the screen. I think this song should not only be banned from the radio, but I think Lady Gaga should go to jail.
You know my heart’s in the right place, because instead of attacking Sublime’s ‘Date Rape’ song that’s literally called ‘Date Rape,’ I go after a song about cold weather, because that’s even more clearly about date rape.
I’d also like to request that nobody refers to Christmas music as Christmas music anymore. You should be more sensitive and call it ‘Holiday Music.’ And I’d also like to demand that nobody listen to any holiday music anymore because it’s all just enforcing the white male, type 2 diabetic patriarchy.
The world’s got enough problems, and luckily, I’m here to find more problems instead of solving any of them. And the moral of the story is, if you don’t think ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ is offensive, then you’re clearly a rapist. And you’re probably a terrorist, too.