In today’s Huffington Post, Noah Michelson finally stood up to the scourge facing LGBT Americans: non-discriminatory chicken sandwiches. In an piece titled, “If You Really Love LGBTQ People, You Just Can’t Keep Eating Chick-fil-A,” Michelson makes the case that you must choose between your stomach and your love of gay rights. Why, exactly? Chick-fil-A has never discriminated against gay Americans in any way; their owners just happen to be religious Christians who support traditional marriage. But that’s enough to earn the ire of the radical Left.
My family didn’t have much money then so eating out was a rare treat. But when the trip included waffle fries ― an ingenious food so alien to southern Wisconsin in the early ’80s that they seemed like small, salty miracles to my tiny, still-soft mind ― it was almost too much for me to take. Still, as delicious as the Georgia-based company’s fried foods were, they weren’t my only weakness as a kid. When I wasn’t fantasizing about grease, I was spending my young swishy days doing a really shitty job of hiding my insatiable hunger for other boys.
What does that have to do with chicken? Let Michelson tell the story:
So you can imagine how upsetting it was for me when Chick-fil-A’s president, Dan Cathy, proudly came out as a homophobe in 2012 by claiming, “We are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at Him and say, ‘We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage,’ and I pray God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about.” Even worse, the company put its money where Cathy’s vile mouth was by donating millions of dollars each year to anti-LGBTQ organizations via its Winshape nonprofit organization.
The WinShape Foundation was started by Truett Cathy, Dan’s father. Dan uses his profits to fund WinShape. That’s his prerogative. It’s his company. But that has nothing to do with how the company operates. Furthermore, WinShape backs a wide variety of Christian groups, not just Christian social groups; as Chick-Fil-A has pointed out, WinShape provides camping programs for over 13,000 children every year and 14 foster homes responsible for over 100 children. In 2012, Chick-Fil-A promised to stop funding the more controversial organizations.
But that’s all very bad because religious Christians think that homosexual sex is a sin. So Michelson says you must put down that sandwich:
For some strange reason I still don’t fully understand, some queer people and their friends and families began eating at Chick-fil-A again and are still eating there. I’d venture a guess that Cathy’s somewhat conciliatory yet ridiculously inadequate non-apology and the company’s (totally bogus) promise to stop donating to anti-LGBTQ groups (while it may have ceased funding some groups, it’s certainly still bankrolling others) may have made some people feel justified in returning to the chain. People can be disturbingly indignant and defiant when faced with giving up their beloved chicken sandwiches.
What’s the big problem now? Chick-Fil-A gives money to the Salvation Army and the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Clearly, these are history’s greatest monsters. But Michelson says that the choice is clear:
If you care about queer people ― or you yourself are queer ― you have absolutely no business eating at Chick-fil-A. Ever. It’s really that straightforward. ... It sucks that we can’t have waffle fries. But you know what sucks even more? Not having equal rights and contributing to the profits of a company that wants to ensure you never do.
Except for the fact that LGBT people have never been discriminated against by Chick-Fil-A, that Chick-Fil-A surely has gay employees, and that no person has ever been denied service by Chick-Fil-A on account of their sexual orientation. But you must stop having bad thoughts if you wish to retain LGBT patronage, apparently.
Now, Michelson does admit that Chick-Fil-A does some good:
Am I saying Chick-fil-A and everyone who works for it is evil? Of course not. The corporation has done a lot of good and even donated food to volunteers giving blood in the wake of the Pulse nightclub massacre (though, ironically, most gay men weren’t allowed to participate in that charitable effort). But none of its generosity changes the fact that the chain has taken and continues to take an anti-queer stance and still donates large sums of money to anti-queer groups.
Yes, all that matters is that Chick-Fil-A’s founder disagrees with Noah Michelson about the morality of homosexual sex. So the company must be boycotted into the ground.
If you refuse, you’re just like the government of Iran. You’re a gay-bashing quisling, even if you're just kind of hungry for a sandwich from a company that doesn't discriminate against gays. Get on board, or be swamped by the tide of LGBT history.