OUTRAGE: New Health Guidelines Say 'No Amount' Of Alcohol, Bacon, Or Sausage Is Safe

Bad news.

A new set of health guidelines, released by the World Cancer Research Fund (WCRF) says that people can reduce their risk of cancer about 40% by completely eliminating alcohol, bacon, sausage, fatty meats, and beer from their diets.

The recommendations are part of a "ten point plan" that the WCRF says can help nearly halve your chances of getting cancer — though their guidelines may put a significant dent in your quality of life.

The most dangerous meats include any rare or raw red meat (pork, beef, and lamb, specifically), hamburgers and hot dogs, but the WCRF and their European Union colleagues say if you want to stay cancer-free (at least, when it comes to those cancers where genetic disposition isn't a risk factor), you should avoid all but the "occasional" bacon sandwich or sip of beer.

Being obese, they report, raises your chances of getting cancer significantly, and the easiest way to avoid obesity is to eat healthy foods, and practice a healthy and active lifestyle. If you can't do that, though, you may need to pursue more extreme measures.

The WCRF says their study, which produced the horrifying recommendations, is the largest cancer study ever conducted, and involved more than 50 million individuals, 3.5 million of whom were eventually diagnosed with cancer. The result? The WCRF found that “no level of intake can confidently be associated with a lack of risk of bowel cancer."

The good news, all you meat eaters out there, is that humans don't live forever, anyway, so you can still take your chances.

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