While critics of last weekend’s “Women’s March” disparage the parade as the most frivolous protest in the history of the world, pussyhat-clad harpies have responded by shrieking profanities. As the historian David McCullough observes, “To write well is to think therefore,” and so the Women’s March vapid mission statement flows as incoherently as one might expect:

The mission of Women’s March is to harness the political power of diverse women and their communities to create transformative social change. Women’s March is a women-led movement providing intersectional education on a diverse range of issues and creating entry points for new grassroots activists & organizers to engage in their local communities through trainings, outreach programs and events. Women’s March is committed to dismantling systems of oppression through nonviolent resistance and building inclusive structures guided by self-determination, dignity and respect.

When the organizers tire of platitudinous vacuity, they settle into the more traditional feminist enterprise of peddling outright falsehoods by insinuating that various rights and privileges are being trampled in the United States. Here are the eight “unity principles” of the Women’s March:

1. “Women deserve to live full and healthy lives, free of all forms of violence against our bodies.” Who could object? Fortunately American women on the whole do live full and healthy lives free from violence — indeed, some of the fullest, longest, most comfortable lives enjoyed by any people of any sex in world history. Women in the United States live significantly longer than men. By the turn of the 21st century, women lived on average 80.1 years compared to 73.4% for the rougher sex. Despite Democrats’ best efforts, unlike men, women need not register for the military draft in order to vote. Men are three times as likely as women to be murdered. Boys and men are far more likely than girls and women to be victims of assault and robbery. And according to the Gallup World Poll, women report being happier with their lives than men.

2. “We believe in Reproductive Freedom. We do not accept any federal, state or local rollbacks, cuts or restrictions on our ability to access quality reproductive healthcare services, birth control, HIV/AIDS care and prevention, or medically accurate sexuality education. This means open access to safe, legal, affordable abortion and birth control for all people.” Despite the Left’s constant conflation of killing babies in the womb with “women’s health” and “reproductive rights,” the vast majority of American women, 77%, support restricting abortion to at most the first trimester. Men are far more likely to support abortion after the first trimester than women. Further, the majority of women, 59%, say abortion is morally wrong. Indeed, a majority of women believe that abortion should at most be permitted in cases of rape, incest, or to save the life of the women, which means that a majority of women support prohibiting abortion in 99% of cases.

3. “We believe in an economy powered by transparency, accountability, security and equity. All women should be paid equitably.” Of course they do. And contrary to popular disinformation, women are paid equal wages for equal work. After controlling for factors like education, time in industry, and hours worked, the mythical wage gap vanishes. In fact, single, childless women in metropolitan areas out-earn men by 8% on average. This trend is expected to continue, as women graduate from college at significantly higher rates than men. In 2015, 39% of women age 25 to 29 had earned a bachelor’s degree, compared to just 32% of men.

4. “We believe Civil Rights are our birthright, including voting rights.” Of course, ladies. American women do have the right to vote, and according to the Center for American Women and Politics, women have voted at higher rates than men in every presidential election since 1980. By 2016, that gap widened to 63.3% of women voting compared to just 59.3% of men. The number of female voters has exceeded the number of male voters in every presidential election since 1964. Additionally, despite constituting a majority of the U.S. population, 50.8% to 49.2%, women benefit from “affirmative action” policies on campus and in the workplace that give them a competitive advantage over men.

5. “We believe that all women’s issues are issues faced by women with disabilities and Deaf women.” Yes. Deaf women are women.

6. “Rooted in the promise of America’s call for huddled masses yearning to breathe free, we believe in immigrant and refugee rights regardless of status or country of origin. We believe migration is a human right and that no human being is illegal.” Putting aside for a moment the illogic of a national policy to abolish national borders, even on principle the Women’s March fails to represent women. A November survey from Morning Consult and Politico shows that fewer than 30% of Americans support amnesty for even illegal aliens brought to the United States as minors. Even among Democrats, support for granting amnesty to the most relentlessly sympathetic group of illegal aliens stands at just 44%.

7. “We firmly declare that LGBTQIA Rights are Human Rights and that it is our obligation to uplift, expand and protect the rights of our gay, lesbian, bi, queer, trans or gender non-conforming brothers, sisters and siblings. We must have the power to control our bodies and be free from gender norms, expectations and stereotypes.” If the Women’s March hopes to eliminate gender categories, norms, expectations, and stereotypes, they might reconsider the name of their movement. Further, the premise of transgenderism — that gender is merely socially constructed, and that one may choose his own gender as he pleases — contradicts the premise of the Women’s March itself, that women are a category distinct from men.

8. “We believe that every person and every community in our nation has the right to clean water, clean air, and access to and enjoyment of public lands.” Somebody ought to inform the Women’s March leadership that federal law has protected all of those rights, to say nothing of state and local management, for at least the past five decades.

President Trump summed it up well in his Women’s March tweet: “Beautiful weather all over our great country, a perfect day for all Women to March. Get out there now to celebrate the historic milestones and unprecedented economic success and wealth creation that has taken place over the last 12 months. Lowest female unemployment in 18 years!”

With all of that great news, I’m sure we can expect an even more exuberant Women’s March next year.