A feminist writer named Lara Witt — who has said “whiteness is evil” and I’m sure a bunch of other crazy stuff that I can’t see because she blocked me on Twitter — went viral this week with an article titled “10 Things Every Intersectional Feminist Should Ask On A First Date.”
She opens her piece with this explanation:
“As a queer femme of color, I keep close relationships with people who go beyond allyship; they’re true accomplices in the fight against white supremacy, queerphobia, and misogyny. If you’re not going to support marginalized folks, then we can’t be friends, let alone date. The personal is political.”
By my count, there are as many made-up words in that paragraph as there are sentences. An impressive accomplishment, and somehow she manages to maintain that pace throughout the entire thing.
In case any man is curious about the interrogation he may face should he attempt to date the kind of woman who uses words like “allyship” and “queerphobia,” here are the questions:
1. Do you believe that Black Lives Matter?
2. What are your thoughts on gender and sexual orientation?
3. How do you work to dismantle sexism and misogyny in your life?
4. What are your thoughts on sex work?
5. Are you a supporter of the BDS movement? [The BDS movement is apparently code for “anti-Israel.” This should not to be confused with BDSM, which is something that many feminists also support, but I would advise against Googling it.]
6. What is your understanding of settler colonialism and indigenous rights?
7. Do you think capitalism is exploitative?
8. Can any human be illegal?
9. Do you support Muslim Americans and non-Muslim people from Islamic countries?
10. Does your allyship include disabled folks?
It probably would have been simpler to title the article: “10 Ways Every Intersectional Feminist Can Die Single and Alone.” But I suppose that doesn't have quite the same ring to it.
Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate what Ms. Witt is doing here, and I sincerely hope every feminist takes her advice. This way a man can immediately ask for the check and call it a night the moment his date demands to know whether he has taken active steps to dismantle The Patriarchy. Even better, he doesn’t have to pay for the meal before he leaves. The empowered woman on the other side of the booth would be, I assume, thrilled to take on the masculine role and handle the bill herself.
But if a feminist does not helpfully declare herself by forcing her date to take an entrance exam, it may be necessary for the man to ask his own set of questions in order to ensure that he is not about to court a woman who suffers from latent feminism. I’m not really joking about this. I hear from single men all the time who have nearly given up on the dating scene because their girlfriends end up being cold, bitter, unaffectionate man-haters.
Here’s a quick survey that should filter them out:
1. Do you think unborn babies are people?
You’re looking for an unequivocal and passionate “yes” here. If you sense any hesitation, head for the hills. Pro-abortion sentiments are not only unfeminine and unattractive in a woman, but dangerous. You have to think a few steps ahead. Imagine that you conceive a child one day. The woman has just informed you that she won’t necessarily view that child as a legitimate human being, which means she won’t necessarily allow it to keep living inside her. You, of course, would have no legal authority to prevent her from doing whatever she wanted to do with the “clump of cells” you just helped her create. I have spoken to many men who found themselves in this exact situation. It's a tragedy. Best to make your policy clear from the start: only pro-life women need apply.
2. Have you ever taken steps in your own life to make a sandwich for a man?
If she explodes in rage at this joke, move on. And it's not completely a joke, anyway. Men do want women who will take care of them and keep the house in order and even, God forbid, prepare a meal or two. Men are made to feel ashamed of this desire, but it’s natural and normal. Domestic skills in a woman are appealing to a man, as well they should be. A man is attracted to women who can cook and clean and make the home feel warm and inviting. He has no idea how to do this on his own. His idea of decorating is to put a magnet with the number for the local pizza place on the fridge. He needs a woman to really turn a house into a home.
3. Have you ever used the word “patriarchy” unironically?
My wife can’t hear the word without rolling her eyes. That’s exactly the attitude a man should hope to find in a woman. In fact, my wife is far harsher and more dismissive in her (accurate) criticisms of feminism than I am. You should have heard what she had to say about the "Women's March." I can't repeat it here but it was hilarious. Nobody is more anti-feminist than an anti-feminist woman.
4. Have you ever called a Disney princess “problematic”?
It’s fashionable these days for mothers to steer their daughters away from traditionally girly things. My wife has done precisely the opposite, sharing her feminine interests with our daughter and raising her to be, if you can imagine, a girl. Julia loves to go with Mommy to get her hair done, or watch Princesses on Ice, or do whatever girls do. She especially enjoys helping my wife cook. She likes to clean, too.
She’s a girl, emphatically. My wife is a woman. I like it this way. No man dreams of the day when he might marry a masculine, independent woman and raise a feminine boy and a non-binary daughter who can share clothes and nail polish. No man naturally desires such a life. He is only conditioned by society to believe that he should desire it.
5. Are you viscerally disgusted by the thought of depending on a man for anything?
A man wants a woman who will care for him. He also wants a woman he can provide for and protect. He wants to be depended upon. I never feel more like a man than when I walk in the door of the house I bought, having earned my paycheck for the day, and find my wife and three children inside. I know that I’ve done something for them. I’ve been productive. I’ve brought home the bacon, as they used to say. I've labored for the sake of someone other than myself.
Again, this is something men innately desire. But they are made to be ashamed of it. They are made, ultimately, to accept a falsely egalitarian marriage and family life, where they serve no unique purpose and have nothing special to do. They pretend to be happy about it, but inside they feel deeply unfulfilled and emasculated. Affairs and divorces are almost certain to follow. A man who feels that he is not needed and respected in his home will be tempted to go out and find someone who will need and respect him. That does not excuse his adultery, of course, but it does explain his motivations.
Better to avoid all of that. Put your cards on the table from the beginning and make your intentions known. You are a man who wants to be a man. You want a woman who wants to be a woman. If she does not fall into that category, abandon ship. There are graceful, feminine, womanly women out there. I found one. You can, too. You may just have to be a little more intentional and direct in your pursuit.