With the news that the Cleveland Indians have decided to follow the Washington Redskins off the PC cliff and erase decades of tradition, we thought we’d scan the sports world for similarly offensive nicknames. How long can these last in the face of the scorched-earth tactics of today’s tireless social justice warriors?
Wait a second — warriors? Isn’t that offensive to and/or appropriative of Native American culture? For shame, SJWs, for shame.
Anyway, back to the topic at hand. If the stupid grows ever stronger, here are some names that belong on the chopping block.
Kansas City Chiefs, Atlanta Braves
If “Indians” is verboten, then these two are no-brainers for history’s ash heap. Never mind that these franchises have worn these nicknames as points of pride, not derision. Good night, Chief Noc-a-Homa, wherever you are.
Notre Dame Fighting Irish
This one actually is a pretty blatant stereotype — the Irishman as drunken brawler. Working in the nickname’s favor is the fact that Irish people are white (aren’t they? It’s hard to keep up any more) and therefore stereotype-able.
New Zealand All Blacks
Tradition says that the nickname is a reference to their jerseys, but how have the wokescolds who run New Zealand, personified by progressive princess PM Jacinda Ardern, allowed this atrocity to stand?
Orofino (Idaho) High School Maniacs
Insensitive much to the mentally ill? Come on, Orofino. Be better. And haven’t you heard? Here in Wokeistan USA, we celebrate our mentally ill; we don’t label them with pejoratives. Of course, the Orofino Individuals Living with Mental Illness probably wouldn’t fit on the banner.
Freeburg (Ill.) HS Midgets
I am actually a little shocked that this one has survived. “Midget” hasn’t passed PC muster since before Herve Villechaize was a thing. Of course, little people have taken a prominent place in pop culture, so celebrating them is encouraged. Maybe change it to the Peter Dinklages? Or the Tyrion Lannisters?
Yuma (Ariz.) HS Criminal
Celebrating criminality isn’t a good idea, is it? Of course, isn’t a so-called criminal just an individual forced into his or her (or their) actions by centuries of oppression? If used in this way, to shine an ironic spotlight on injustice, we’ll allow it.
Glenville (Ohio) HS Tarblooders
A tarblooder was apparently a railroad worker who laid ties and secured them with tar. So the nickname is a tribute to America’s working class, i.e., deplorables. Can’t have that.
Salesianum (Del.) HS Sallies
This one’s a Mobius strip of offensiveness: It offends those whose masculinity is called into question by being called Sallies; and that perception in turn offends those who think masculinity is a patriarchal construct to begin with. Got it?
Montgomery Biscuits
The Tampa Bay Double-AA affiliate baseball team is stationed in the one-time capital of the Confederacy and named for a Southern delicacy, a two-fer of shame worthy of banishment from polite society. Put more succinctly: Paula Deen makes biscuits. Paula Deen once used a racial epithet. Cancel. It’s just as well — hot, buttery and delicious is no way for a sports team to go through life.
Honorable mention: Butte HS Pirates
Do with this what you will. (Yes, I know it’s pronounced Byoot. And I know I have the emotional intelligence and maturity of a toddler.)