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My husband and I are expecting our fourth baby, but it took us a few births under our belt to figure out which birth plan worked for us. After two hospital births and a home birth, our decision for baby number four was easy: We’re planning to have another home birth.

Not every baby can or should be born at home. But if you’re lucky enough to have a healthy baby and a healthy pregnancy, home birth is a beautiful option. And it’s one that more and more families are choosing. While home births are still a small share of overall births in the United States (less than 2% of total births), this rate has increased roughly 60% over the last seven years.

It’s not a mystery why we’re seeing such rapid growth in this seemingly radical birth plan. There is something seriously wrong with how hospitals handle childbirth in America. The United States has one of the highest maternal mortality rates among wealthy countries. In the 1980s, maternal mortality rates began to increase after about 50 years of decline. Some studies suggest that between 2000 and 2021, maternal mortality in the United States nearly doubled. That’s pretty shocking considering the medical advancements we’ve made. Childbirth has been around as long as people have. How are we still getting this so wrong?

When I first explored home birth during my third pregnancy, I found the philosophical differences between OBGYNs and home birth midwives staggering. OBGYNs are doctors. They are looking for medical problems and often find them. Midwives, by contrast, do not see childbirth as a medical problem to be solved. And, if you have a good midwife, she will guide you during pregnancy to set you up for a healthy delivery, preventing problems before they arise.

In every meeting with my midwife, she checked in on my diet. I was given a nutrition plan (my pseudo-vegetarian diet had to go), encouraged to exercise, eat a lot of protein, and cut out sugar. “Sugar is hard on you, and it’s hard on the baby,” my midwife told me. This really struck me. It’s hard on the baby. Would an OBGYN ever be that brutally honest? Maybe. But usually after a mother has already been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Women in the United States face a cascading series of complications during pregnancy and birth. It is reasonable to assume that poor maternal nutrition plays a role.

But my decision to have a home birth didn’t come from a belief that doctors are bad or doing something inherently wrong. It came from my two experiences with hospital births.

I went into my first childbirth having no “birth plan.” I gave birth at a hospital because that’s what you do. I had an epidural because why not? I want to be clear: There is nothing wrong with getting an epidural. But there are some things to consider before making this choice.

The ability to move your body during labor can be vitally important. If the baby is in an undesirable position for birth because you’ve been lying immobile on your back for hours due to the epidural, the baby could get in a bad spot. This could put the baby in distress and lead to an emergency C-section or, in the case of my oldest son, a vacuum birth.

Flash forward to my second pregnancy, and my plan was to try to go without the epidural, but I would get one if I needed it. This was a ridiculous plan. If you would like a natural childbirth, you cannot leave the door open to the epidural. You need to be committed, your husband needs to be committed, and your doctors need to be committed. Because once things get hard, you will ask for the epidural. And that’s exactly what I did.

Everything was going well with the epidural until it wasn’t. The pain was gone, I was starting to feel like I might be able to get some rest, and then I started feeling exhausted. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. My heart rate and blood pressure tanked quickly, and I lost consciousness. The next thing I remember, nurses were screaming at me to open my eyes. I felt horrible. I felt weak. I felt like I was dying.

They backed off the epidural medication, and my vitals improved. I was able to start talking, but I felt so weak. I couldn’t imagine how I could deliver a baby feeling this way. That’s when they told me they wanted to try the epidural medication again, confident that they could do it while keeping my vitals strong. I very groggily said, “Ok.” Minutes later, I was unconscious again.

I have now learned that what I went through was just something that happens sometimes, but apparently, it’s not common enough for any of my nurses to have seen it before. They all looked terrified. Once they stabilized me, they shockingly wanted to try the epidural medication a third time. I had the wherewithal to say absolutely not. I need to be awake.

After about an hour, the pain of the contractions came back, and I was relieved. I didn’t want any remnants of the epidural medication in my body (although I’m sure there were some). I was still feeling very weak. After begging for and guzzling a strong cup of coffee, I delivered my beautiful second baby boy, and I felt incredible. I was completely connected to what was happening because I could feel it. It was hard, but I did it. I felt happier and stronger than I ever had in my life. The weakness was gone, replaced by pure euphoria. I felt like I could do anything.

When it was time for baby number three, I knew what I wanted. No epidural, no Pitocin (the drug given to almost every woman in a hospital, unless they specifically opt out, to speed up the labor process). I wanted a completely natural childbirth, which led me to pursue home birth.

My home birth was beautiful. I was in the comfort of my own home, with my own things. My midwife was with me the entire time. In a hospital, the doctor basically comes in when it’s time to push; it’s impersonal, rushed, and dehumanizing. At home, I didn’t have to ask permission to drink a cup of coffee. I didn’t have to ask permission to stand up and move around. There were no other patients for a doctor to tend. I felt completely taken care of.

When I gave birth at home, I felt the same way I did after my second. I can do anything. I felt euphoric because women have a natural hormone release that is supposed to happen during birth, which is vitally important for bonding with your baby and avoiding postpartum depression. An overly medicated birth can disrupt that important hormone release. Many women who have struggled with postpartum depression in the past choose an unmedicated birth for exactly this reason.

After I gave birth, my midwife stayed for about an hour and then left. We were able to rest. After being up all night, my husband, baby, and I took the best nap of our lives. No nurses came to wake us up every hour. Our baby wasn’t subjected to endless unnecessary tests that could wait until her first pediatrician appointment. We got what all three of us needed: sleep. We were comfortable, happy, and at peace with our beautiful baby girl. My midwife came back several times to check on us. I didn’t have to go anywhere.

Home birth isn’t for everyone, but my husband and I discovered it’s definitely for us. And if God continues to bless us with a healthy pregnancy, I am looking forward to another beautiful, unmedicated birth in the comfort of my own home.

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Mary Clare Amselem is a stay-at-home mother and a former education policy analyst at the Heritage Foundation.

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I Trusted The System For Two Births. Then I Decided To Take Control.