Ilene was an extraordinary child. Despite being on the autism spectrum, she excelled in many areas. She was a brilliant student, an accomplished musician who played five instruments, a polyglot who spoke four languages, and a dedicated athlete with multiple black belts (or dan ranks) in Tang Soo Do. She lost her father to cancer when she was only twelve. Around this time, I began noticing scars from self-harm, which I immediately addressed with her pediatrician. The doctor recommended getting a dog, and after we brought Ginger into our lives, the self-harming stopped.

The COVID pandemic, however, changed everything. Like many teenagers during COVID, Ilene began spending more and more time online. After a while, she declared that she was bisexual, then a lesbian, and then non-binary. Then, in 2021, out of the blue, my 16-year-old girly girl decided she was transgender. At the time, I didn’t fully understand what being transgender meant, and the information I found online seemed to support affirmation as the only right approach and response. In a panic, afraid of losing my daughter, I agreed to use male pronouns and helped her legally change her name to “Raven.”

Months later, after learning more about the potential dangers of hormone therapy and the irreversible effects of social transitioning, I realized I had made a huge mistake by affirming her transition. I had a difficult conversation with her, letting her know that I could no longer support her new trans identity. She had always disliked her birth name, so I agreed she could keep her new name Raven but I refused to go any further. She cried, but eventually agreed. I made sure she knew that she would no longer be allowed to wear male clothing, but she could still dress in a gender-neutral way. I also showed her documentaries about the side effects of hormones and surgery, hoping to give her a broader perspective.

In 2004, I legally immigrated to the United States from Azerbaijan with the dream that my future children would receive a truly exceptional American education. In 2023, that dream became a reality when Ilene was accepted to Rider University with a full-tuition scholarship to study actuarial science. I was overjoyed at her success and supported her in every possible way — even driving from Connecticut to New Jersey in harsh weather conditions — to ensure she had the opportunity to thrive.

Credit: Elvira Syed

Due to her official diagnosis of depression and anxiety, she was allowed to bring her dog to campus for emotional support. After a noise complaint, however, the university insisted the dog be removed.

We had an agreement that I would cover her food and housing costs if she would focus on her studies and avoid getting caught up in any further discussions about gender identity.

When I visited her in late October during a family day at Rider University, however, I was devastated by how entrenched she had become in gender ideology. She barely acknowledged me and seemed completely consumed by her new identity. I realized that I no longer had any influence over her, and I told her that if she continued down this path, she would need to support herself financially. She posted about it on TikTok, where her friends encouraged her to cut me off.

A few days later, I received a call from the Department of Children and Families (DCF). A transgender pastor in Connecticut, who also worked at a gender clinic, filed a complaint against me for being “abusive” toward my “son” for not affirming “his” gender identity. I would later discover it was most likely the therapist Ilene saw at The Pride Center of New Jersey who introduced her to this “kindhearted” pastor.

From what I understand, this is not the first queer pastor working for both a church and a gender clinic who has stepped in to “help” a confused teen. I am left wondering how many more teens this individual has influenced and what is happening within certain churches displaying transgender flags and supporting these ideologies. I cannot recall any statement in the Bible suggesting that God would agree with the idea that children are born in the wrong bodies.

I had to hire a lawyer to defend myself, and the case was dismissed when it became clear that there was no case to pursue. Despite that, the influence of these professionals on my daughter was undeniable, and I was left feeling helpless.

Though our relationship was strained, on December 30, I drove to New Jersey to offer to co-sign a student loan for her and wish her a happy 18th birthday, but she refused to see me. She said she didn’t feel safe around me and security guards made me leave the campus. After that, I stopped contacting her directly, but I still followed her on social media, hoping to know how she was doing. I saw that she had a boyfriend and that she continued to see a psychiatrist.

Later, once I finally received access to her paperwork, I discovered, along with all her friends every adult in her life seemed to have been affirming her transition behind my back for the last couple of years. Her high school teachers, her Tang Soo Do coaches, college professors, her pastor, and even therapists all seemed to fully endorse her transgender identity.

Overall, my daughter saw two therapists: one in Connecticut before she left for college and another one at The Pride Center of New Jersey. To my knowledge, neither of them challenged my daughter’s decision or asked her very simple and basic questions like: Why did you decide you are a boy? Why did your mom show you documentaries about the side effects of testosterone? Why do you think your mom is your enemy? The apparent lack of scrutiny in their assessments is deeply concerning. Instead, the therapist from the Pride Center sent a referral letter to an endocrinologist in Connecticut.

In June 2024, I received a notification from CVS that testosterone had been prescribed to my daughter. I immediately cut her off my insurance, but it was too late. I knew that testosterone could exacerbate depression and lead to a greater risk of suicidal ideation. I was terrified.

Her very first visit to the endocrinologist was marked as a regular PCP visit. Nevertheless, the chart mentioned only a history of depression and anxiety. Nothing about autism spectrum or self-harm was noted, and neither were the scars on my daughter’s body noted, though they were visible on her arm and thighs. Apparently, the nurse practitioner did not examine my daughter, as she was supposed to. Instead, she prescribed her first dose of testosterone. The dose was subsequently increased on the second visit.

In her referral letter to the surgical center, the endocrinologist states Ilene dreamed of being a boy since she was eight years old. I’m stunned at how these professionals can write letters like these just because a confused 18 year-old girl told them so. I can tell you my daughter was very proud to be a girl at least until age 15.

According to the police report, Ilene’s friends noticed my daughter’s depression getting worse after several months and were “very concerned” about her difficulties with transitioning. However, nobody thought to address that issue with the huge DEI department at Rider University.

Then, on October 14, while the university celebrated National Coming Out Weekend, my daughter was found dead after consuming too much Benadryl. She had been lying in her dorm room for four days. How “valuable ” was my daughter if nobody noticed her absence at such an important Pride event?

What also disturbs me is the way the university handled the situation. Why did it take them four days to discover she had taken her life? How could that be possible? Is this really their standard of care for students, particularly those who are so vulnerable? Furthermore, Ilene was placed in a male-only dorm despite being a female student. How legitimate is it for a university to allow a young girl to be housed in a male dorm, especially given her mental health history and the fact that she was on hormones? These questions remain unanswered, and I am left wondering whether the university prioritized political correctness and ideology over the well-being of its students.

Almost three months after my daughter’s death the security guards miraculously found a death note the police department failed to find.

The note said:

I just want to make one thing clear: I didn’t do this because I am on Testosterone. I don’t want my death to be used as a reason to be transphobic. I did this because of all the trauma my mom has caused me. I’ve turned into a person I completely dislike, and no one believes I can get better, not even the person I love most. I am sorry. I’ve lost faith. Raven (he/him/his)

This note shatters my heart; my daughter was in so much pain, feeling as though she was abandoned by the person who loved her most. The tragic irony is that my refusal to affirm her belief in being born in the wrong body, an action that came from a place of love and concern for her well-being, was considered traumatic or abusive by some. In the world we live in now, it seems that a mother’s love, her desire to protect and preserve the mental health of her child, is viewed as harmful if it doesn’t align with the current narrative. It sounds like the refusal to affirm an identity that might not be fully understood is considered more harmful than the actual irreversible decisions that young people are encouraged to make in the name of affirmation.

I must admit, I did everything I could for my daughter every day — each act, each decision, was made with love. Despite financial struggles, I ensured that she always had the best. I made sure she ate healthy food, and I strove to fulfill her wishes before she even asked. Whether it was new clothes, dolls, tickets to shows, classes, or trips to beautiful places, I was there for her. If she wanted an American Girl doll, I would buy her two. I even took her annually to the Radio City Rockettes Christmas show in New York, followed by a special dinner at the American Girl Doll store. And when she dreamed of visiting a Disney park, I worked hard to make it possible and show her three of them: Florida, California, and even Paris.

Credit: Elvira Syed

Before Ilene went to college, I made sure she obtained her driver’s license and opened a bank account in her name to help her feel independent. I did everything I could to support her and help her thrive. Yet, the modern world often fails to see or appreciate such genuine motherly love.

Instead, society now insists that if a mother disagrees with her child’s narrative — if she refuses synthetic hormones or questions a confused identity — then she is labeled a monster, accused of inflicting trauma.

This message, pushed by teachers, coaches, therapists, and pastors alike, convinces a vulnerable teen that her own mother is the source of her pain.

Ironically, there were more reasons for Ilene to take her life much earlier that year. For example, in the spring of 2024, she faced immense challenges — no money, no access to testosterone, no prospect of top surgery, and even a temporary breakup with her boyfriend. Despite all of this, she did not take her life back then, even though she was still grappling with the so-called trauma attributed to me.

Fast forward to October 2024, and her circumstances had improved significantly. Yes, her boyfriend broke up with her again, but she was living in a male dorm just the way she wanted, she had $9,000 in her bank account, Medicaid approval, access to testosterone, and top surgery scheduled for December 23. Yet, in this improved scenario, she tragically carried out her suicidal ideation.

The key difference? In my mind, testosterone. It played a significant role in worsening her depression, ultimately pushing her to take this irreversible step.

My daughter’s death is not an isolated case. Besides Ilene, I know of two other girls, of the same age, who were on hormones and took their lives in the same period. It is clear to me that the affirmation of trans identity, when not fully understood, can have catastrophic results. Ilene was not just another young girl going through typical teenage turmoil. She was a young girl who was never fully allowed to explore her identity without external pressure, who was given hormones that exacerbated her depression, and who, in her most vulnerable moments, was left with little support.

As I review the statistics for suicide rates, they are alarming. According to UNICEF, the suicide rate for teens aged 15-19 in Azerbaijan, where I am originally from, is 5 per 100,000 people. In contrast, the suicide rate in the United States for the same age group has tripled. What is it that makes the suicide rate so much higher in the U.S.? Could it be the way we are allowing confused adolescents to be pressured into irreversible medical procedures? Could it be that the gender-affirming care model, which is often pushed onto vulnerable kids, is exacerbating their mental health struggles, rather than addressing the root causes?

A 2022 study published in for The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that individuals undergoing testosterone therapy ought to be “screened for and counseled about risks of depression and suicidality.” The study was done on over 200,000 men. Just imagine the impact on a young teenage girl.

I have many questions about current psychotherapy standards for adolescents with gender dysphoria. I have questions about the proper protocols for prescribing treatments like testosterone to adolescents. I have questions about college DEI programs that promote gender ideology and advocate for allowing females in male-only dorms.

My daughter is gone, but her story must be heard. I hope that by sharing it, I can help save other children from the tragic fate that befell Ilene and countless others. A balanced, thoughtful approach that prioritizes mental health, student safety, and critical inquiry is essential to protect our vulnerable young adults.

* * *

Elvira Syed lives in Connecticut.

The views expressed in this piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for a list of additional resources.

Note: This article has been edited for clarity.

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I Lost My Daughter To Gender Ideology. Here Is Her Story.