My 43-year-old matchmaking client gave me a condition: If we introduced him to women over 32, they needed to have at least 70 eggs frozen. He would not consider a match over 36. Most of my clients aren’t requesting specific egg counts as criteria for matches, but virtually all of the men I work with want to find younger partners.

As background, I’ve run my high-end matchmaking and coaching service, Dating By Blaine, since 2020. The overwhelming majority of men who apply to work with me and my team, from their late 20s into their 60s, want to date women 26 to 32 years old, whether or not kids factor into their plans.

Our matchmaking clients aren’t necessarily representative of all single men. They’re unusually successful (and can afford a high-end matchmaking service), and usually attractive, if also particular. Regardless, women deserve to know what we’re hearing before deciding that finding a partner to settle down with can wait another five years.

In this day and age, women get plenty of reassurances about taking their time. Everyone is settling down later. Plenty of people have babies in their 30s and even 40s. There’s no reason to rush, right?

The problem is that you can hear all of that, and come away with the impression that your dating options today will still be available whenever you decide you’re ready. And that’s a bad assumption.

Online dating research supports this. A 2019 study across four American cities found that men direct the largest share of initial messages toward the group of women in their mid-to-late twenties. Sure, messages on a dating app just tell us whom men approach, not whom they eventually marry. And the study doesn’t establish a universal cutoff at 32.

But my advice for a woman in her late 20s who wants marriage and kids in five years? Find the man you want to do that with now.

It’s not just about fertility. You probably know plenty of women who’ve become pregnant and have healthy babies into their later 30s and 40s, and I’m not giving medical advice.

But men’s assumptions about fertility shape whom they meet and marry. The right guy may want several children. He may want years together before trying. He may have exaggerated ideas around what age fertility becomes problematic. You may or may not be able to correct a guy’s misconceptions, and either way, he may still want a younger partner.

The point is, asking “Can I have a baby later?” is the wrong question. The more important question is, “Will the guy I want to start a family with be looking for someone my age?”

If you’re in your 20s, accept the date with the guy you’re not sure about. Ask whether the man you’re seeing wants kids and a family. If marriage matters to you, spending years with someone who refuses to discuss the future can be a disastrously expensive way to avoid rocking the boat.

Meeting someone, figuring out whether you work together, and building a life all take time. You will never regret starting that process earlier. You don’t need to marry the first guy who shows interest in you, but it’s easy to waste your 20s exploring what’s out there, only to realize the options you had available have dried up by the time you’re ready to settle down.

For women in their 30s and 40s, my advice is to start dating older. I’ve received literally thousands of applications from beautiful, accomplished women in their late 30s who want to meet my matchmaking clients whom I can’t set up, because they want to date men their own age, and men their own age are seeking women in their 20s.

Yes, there are men seeking women their own age, and sure, plenty of women meet wonderful same-age partners in their 40s and beyond. Your birthdate doesn’t dictate your romantic future. But the patterns I see are clear, and I want to share them with you so you can make informed decisions.

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Blaine Anderson is a dating coach, matchmaker, and founder of Dating By Blaine. Since 2020, she has helped singles build confidence, navigate modern dating, and find lasting relationships.

This article is part of Upstream, The Daily Wire’s new home for culture and lifestyle. Real human insight and human stories — from our featured writers to you.

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