I had never imagined that joining a sorority would land me smack-dab in the middle of a national controversy and legal battle. I remember scrolling through my social media, seeing girls doing their hair and makeup just right, shopping for the perfect outfits, and talking about how joining a sorority was the best thing they’d chosen to do in college. Most women look back on their college sorority years with fondness, cherishing the lifelong friendships and late-night memories that we so often miss when we graduate. I expected the same. As any other 20-year-old would, I also expected there might be some drama, or some ups and downs, just as any other college experience usually entails. But trust me, I never thought the “drama” would end with me suing Kappa Kappa Gamma and preparing to argue our case before a federal appeals court in Denver today.

During my senior year at the University of Wyoming, I had my eyes on the prize: graduating and finishing my last year strong. Almost overnight, that plan went straight out the window. A male student, who identified as transgender, sought membership in my sorority, Kappa Kappa Gamma. Our chapter voted on him and agreed that a man doesn’t belong in a sorority — after all, it is a sorority, not a fraternity.

Later, we were unexpectedly called to vote again on the same man, and this time the whole process was totally against protocol. Members were explicitly asked to attach their names and email addresses to their votes, and some of the girls weren’t even home when they conducted the vote. Some of us saw clearly what was going on: accept this individual, or face consequences

The long story short is, his membership in our sisterhood was forced on us without our consent. My sisters and I faced a twisted “Mean Girls” reality.

In the weeks that followed, I remember having to peek out of my room to make sure I avoided him on the way to the showers. The worst part of it all was feeling uncomfortable in a space that should’ve been sacredly female.

What is a woman? That question should be elementary. Yet the inability — or refusal — to acknowledge that simple definition changed how we experienced our own home.

Girls who had joined an organization explicitly created around sisterhood were expected to surrender our privacy. Some of my sisters had previously experienced sexual assault or abuse, yet their discomfort with having a male in intimate female spaces didn’t seem to matter.

We were college students trying to figure out how to respond to something none of us had been prepared for. Looking back, that is one of the parts that disappoints me the most. The adults who could have stood up for us chose to stay silent.

The reality is that I didn’t think this would happen to me, but it did. And I fear it will happen again. But one thing has changed since my senior year at the University of Wyoming: more women are speaking up.

We’ve watched athletes like Sophie Cunningham publicly defend women’s sports despite knowing exactly what kind of backlash would inevitably follow. We’ve watched fans show their support outside the stadiums. We’ve seen women who once felt isolated, or like they couldn’t speak up, discover that saying what they believe out loud gives someone else permission to do the same.

That matters because courage really is contagious — but don’t be fooled, so is silence.

Kappa taught me three core values: truth, respect, and trailblazing. Those words mean something to me, even if the organization itself has lost sight of their meaning. Truth means acknowledging biological reality even when doing so is unpopular. Respect includes acknowledging the boundaries, privacy, and voices of women who disagree with you. Trailblazing, for me, means being willing to stand almost entirely alone before other people realize it was a trail worth following.

These are the values that my sisters and I will carry into Denver with us.

In the coming days, my sorority sisters and I will once again take our fight against the sorority Kappa Kappa Gamma to federal court. Oral arguments in our case will be heard before the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Tenth Circuit in Denver, Colorado. Years after we walked the halls of the University of Wyoming, we ask Kappa to honor its bylaws and acknowledge what a woman is. I hope that they will, not just for our sake, but for all the future generations who will walk through those sorority halls.

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Allie Coghan is an Independent Women ambassador and an agricultural business alumna at the University of Wyoming. In college, she was a plaintiff in Westenbroek v. Kappa Kappa Gamma.

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Why I’m Fighting To Save Sisterhood In Federal Court