Another week has come and gone, and I think we can all agree: this was a tough one all around. The horrific events that took place in Charlottesville, the mass hysteria surrounding every Presidential Q&A, and Thursday’s monstrous attack in Barcelona have all weighed heavily on the conscience of Americans. The country is in a precarious position as racial tensions continue to build, and a somber feeling has swept our nation. Making light of our situation would be callus, but occasionally, we all need a brief moment of levity to distract us from the horrors we’ve witnessed.
And so, with that in mind, I give you the most unnecessary headlines of the week:
1. Study Says Using This Emoji In Emails Makes You Look Incompetent (Huffington Post)
Apparently, it took a research study published by the Social Psychological and Personality Science journal to tell us that adding smiley emojis to office emails makes you look stupid. No word yet on whether I can keep using “lol” and “rofl” in professional work documents.
The most disturbing finding of the study? According to the Huffington Post writeup, use of the smiley emoji “didn’t increase the perception of the sender’s warmth or friendliness, which is arguably a big reason why the emoticon gets used in the first place.” I guess I’ll have to figure out some other way to convey my “friendliness” to my coworkers from now on.
2. Scaramucci: If It Were Up To Me, Bannon Would Be Gone (Associated Press)
“I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to s**k my own c**k” – Anthony Scaramucci
With quotes like that, I would have bet money that Bannon and “The Mooch” were the best of pals. Thankfully, the Associated Press cleared that all up for me.
3. Dark Side Of Highly Personal Grooming: A Quarter Of People Suffer Waxing, Trimming, ‘Manscaping’ Injuries (Market Watch)
Yeesh… Actually, I’m not sure I want to go there. Remember friends, safety first!
4. Cancer Is Way More Likely To Kill You If You Rely On ‘Natural’ Therapies (Popular Science)
Outrageous! What will they come up with next? Should gunshot wounds be treated by doctors also? The article cites some interesting statistics about patient survival rates when alternative medicine is the primary form of treatment, but anyone with a brain in their head understands that fruit juice cleanses and Grandma’s special “cure-all” tea just won’t cut it when it comes to fighting cancer.
There is something to the claim that alternative medicine can make you a healthier, happier person (just ask 91-year-old Queen Elizabeth after her fourth cocktail of the day), but real medical issues require real medicine and real medical practitioners.
5. Back To Bomb Shelters? North Korea Threats Revive Nuke Fears (Associated Press)
Seriously … I don’t mean to be rude, but Associated Press, were you even trying this week? The article is essentially a series of quotes from seemingly random Americans, each of whom address resurgent fears that we’re headed for nuclear apocalypse. The article’s only bright spot comes from an all too brief examination of the recently booming business of building bomb shelters. Then it heads back to another random commenter, living in Alaska, who says he’s not concerned about “The Last Frontier” being targeted by the North Korean regime.
Why didn’t anyone tell me we were concerned about nuclear war earlier?! Here I thought we were all just upset about North Korea thinking their feats were more impressive than Chuck Norris’.
See? Didn’t a quick break from the recent, depressing news feel good? In the coming weeks, it will be more important than ever to remember that, no matter your politics, we’re all just people trying to live the best life we can. If we all stand up to evil, no matter its source, we’ll make it through these challenging times together, and emerge as a stronger and more magnanimous citizenry. But in these times, when the world seems bleak, just remember that a small act of kindness, a smile, or even a little levity can go a long way.
Tyler Dahnke is a father, husband and wine enthusiast who’s doing his best to make sense of today’s insane political landscape. You can follow him on Twitter @tylerdahnke.