On Thursday night, Jimmy Kimmel, delighted at the reported results of the presidential election, spent his entire monologue mocking President Trump, including such comments as Trump would soon “understand what it feels like to be evicted from your home in the middle of a pandemic,” and noting that since Trump won the state of Alaska, he should be made “president” of the state, adding, “It’s big, it’s white, it’s melting down, and it has lots of crabs, just like Donald Trump!” Kimmel also took note of rumors that Trump would run again in 2024, sniping, “Like herpes in the McRib he’ll just keep coming back.”
Kimmel began his tirade by asserting, “Thanks for joining us for Day 9 of ‘Squattergate, or Reality is starting to peek through the windows at the White House.’ He might be going down with the ship, but many of the rats are putting their little bathing suits on amid increasing skepticism that their boss will be able to pull another rabbit out of his MAGA hat. One reason that Trump’s advisers are so worried he might not be able to win is because he lost and those don’t go together.”
“But I’ll tell you something: there’s no room for pessimism in the White House,” Kimmel continued. “Racism, sexism, yes, but no pessimism. The big orange guy is said to be feeling blue. POUTUS is reportedly dejected and fuming, and soon, soon he’s gonna understand what it feels like to be evicted from your home in the middle of a pandemic.”
Kimmel turned to the prospect of Trump running again:
Meanwhile, I’m not sure why, but I looked at the president’s Twitter profile today; he hasn’t tweeted much, but remember when Donald Trump used to follow 45 people because he’s the 45thpresident? Well, look at how many people Mike Pence is following right now. 47. In other words, Trump 45, Biden 46, Pence 47. You sneaky mom.
I don’t know, maybe he’ll run against Trump next time. Trump has been floating the idea that he’d run again in 2024 and 2028 and 2032; every election for the rest of our lives will have a Donald Trump in it; we’re never getting rid of this guy. Like herpes and the McRib he’ll just keep coming back. But they say that Trump has been keeping busy watching more TV even than usual, and he’s not enjoying it as much as usual. He’s been lashing out at Fox News, of all places, ever since they called Arizona for Joe Biden last week. This morning, he launched a full frontal Twitter assault on Fox.
Kimmel then quoted some tweets Trump had retweeted attacking Fox News, then opined, “Trump is encouraging his supporters to switch allegiance to these pure propaganda outlets where they’’ never have to be bothered by anything that even resembles a fact ever again.”
Kimmel mocked Ivanka Trump for celebrating Trump’s win in Alaska, jeering, “Why don’t we just make him president of Alaska? He’d love it. It even sounds like the names of his wives and daughters: Melania, Ivana, Ivanka, Alaska. He’d for sure be the tannest person there; he’d like that. Think of plenty of wide-open space to build big ugly buildings and put your name on them. Donny Jr.would have a lot of endangered species to shoot. And he could marry Sarah Palin — she’s like a Melania who likes you. Think about it. …. It’s big, it’s white, it’s melting down, and it has lots of crabs, just like Donald Trump!”
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