Ashley Fetters of GQ wants to thank President Barack Obama. On Wednesday, she specifically expressed her gratitude to Obama for giving her the best sex of her life. In a column titled, “Thanks, Obama, for 4 Years of Glorious, Worry-Free Sex,” she praised Obama for ending her fears of accidental pregnancy.
Here’s her basic take:
Look, I don’t have to tell you how quickly the fear of accidentally getting someone pregnant can kill your sex drive….But you know who’s been out there for the last eight years tirelessly waging a war on this horrible, boner-killing feeling of dread? President Obama. If you’ve had sex with a woman in the last four years and found the encounter totally, gloriously un-plagued by angst about the risk of surprise fatherhood, you probably owe Barry O. a moment of gratitude.”
See, all irresponsible people who somehow disconnect sex with the risk of pregnancy could have their biologically-based fears alleviated by simply tipping their hats, so to speak, to the man who could cure it all: Obama. What gave Obama this godlike power? Well, he wanted everyone else to pay for your contraceptives.
Says Fetters:
As a result, the second term of Obama’s presidency, and the year 2016 in particular, is already being called a “golden age of birth control.”…. Team Obama also gifted you a golden era of fun, low-risk banging with your wife, your girlfriend, or the friendly gal who was nice enough to accompany you home from the bar. Because, surprise! Turns out we’re all more fun to have sex with when we’re not preoccupied with the worry of not accidentally creating babies.
Actually, sex is pretty fun even when you’re trying to have babies. And it’s not actually up to the taxpayers to guarantee your level of fun. If you can only feel orgasmic if you’re not worried about babymaking, here’s a suggestion: pay for your own contraceptives. It turns out that society doesn’t have much of an interest in upping your game. Plus, it turns out that contraceptives don’t actually protect you from the other risks associated with picking up randos in bars for a quickie (according to the CDC, STD rates are rising again).
Now, some stats.
Despite Obama’s massive coverage plan, nearly half of all pregnancies in 2011 were unintended; the rate of accidental pregnancy among poor women was 112 per 1,000, quintuple the rate among middle class women; the accidental pregnancy rate among black women was 79 per 1,000. Yes, accidental pregnancy declined generally in slight fashion and among poor women more substantially under the Obama administration. But accidental pregnancy among poor women remains sky-high compared to the rest of the population, suggesting that perhaps the big problem here isn’t access to contraceptives, but personal sexual choices. And the accidental pregnancy rate has been dropping steadily since the 1980s, though it did accelerate under Obama.
But there’s another issue here, too. Who in the world declared that that people have a right “to have sex enthusiastically and fearlessly” without concern about consequences on the taxpayer dime? It turns out that sex often has consequences, but those consequences can be mitigated by a bit of personal responsibility. We are all capable of not putting that there without that thing on it. Contraceptives are cheap and widely available – and believe it or not, human beings are not animals who must have sex right now rather than using some self-restraint. But according to Fetters and much of the left, without Obama, we’d all be knocking each other up at insane rates:
In other words, some 55 million American women may have to start choosing again between low-risk sex with men and all the other myriad out-of-pocket expenses of adult life. Anxiety-free sex, or dinner on the table? Anxiety-free sex, or the rent? For many women, these could soon become everyday tradeoffs.
Seriously? The average rent in the United States as of 2013 was approximately $1,200 per month. Let’s assume that the average woman in the United States has sex a couple of times per week (that’s likely on the upper end), or eight times per month. You can currently buy a 36-pack of Trojans on Amazon for under $14. So a full year of contraception – even if you’re using the Trojans during a non-fertile period – would be approximately $42. Realistically speaking, very few Americans are choosing between rent ($1,200) and condoms (under $0.40 a pop).
But when you worship government, you must praise your god for his benevolence. And that means bowing before the Big Man who ensures you never have to worry about being punished with a baby.
