Explosive fireballs? Transient creepers? Cooties?
Sarcastic Facebook commenters spared no hyperbole roasting Oregonians who oppose a new law that allows residents in rural counties to pump their own gas.
The law, which was signed in June, took effect on Monday. It only applies to counties with no more than 40,000 residents. Drivers pulling into gas stations in other counties will still be required by law to use an attendant.
On Friday, a CBS affiliate in Medford posted on Facebook asking followers if they think “Oregon should allow self-serve gas stations statewide.”
People’s responses were both hilarious and outrageous, with several commenters expressing actual, real opposition to allowing drivers to pump their own gas.
One commenter, Sandy Franklin, wrote:
I don’t even know HOW to pump gas and I am 62, native Oregonian…..I say NO THANKS! I don’t want to smell like gasoline!
Another, Carrie Yates, wrote:
I don’t want to pump my own gas, hate the smell and having to get out in the Winter in a skirt, no way.
Respondents implored Carrie to instead wear pants.
Cathy Dahl said allowing drivers to fill up their own cars is a “very bad idea,” in part because of the danger of “getting out of your car with transients around.”
Facebook users lampooned the frightened drivers with comments that have received thousands of likes and replies in the past few days.
One commenter, Kyle Allen, wrote:
One time, my dad came to Oregon and pumped his own gas. The street immediately lit on fire and he caused massive recession countrywide because he took away 20 billion jobs by pumping his own gas. I was in the back seat when brother was nabbed through the locked door by a transient creeper who raised him to be his human ottoman. My dad then tried wiping his windshield but the stuff he used turned out to be sulfuric acid. The car exploded with me in it and I died.
Kozy A Pivo wrote that the first time he pumped gas he had to fight off a bear and a “hail of bullets from enemy sniper fire.”
“When I pulled the pump handle from the docking station, it set off a series of booby traps, and the next thing I knew I was in my own version of Tomb Raider,” Pivo joked. “You Oregonians had it so easy.”
Tammy Butcher, a West Virginia resident, wrote:
Dear Oregon, In WV, we can order food while we pump our gas! With some practice and perseverance, you too, can achieve the dream!!
Oregon and New Jersey are the only states that ban self-service at gas stations.