Opinion

Dem Convention Will Be In Wisconsin, Wherever That Is [Satire]

   DailyWire.com

The following is satirical.

The Democrat National Committee has chosen Milwaukee, Wisconsin for its 2020 National Convention. DNC Chairman Vladimir Lenin — no relation — says he’s thrilled the party will be traveling somewhere it’s never been before.

In a statement released to a gathering of 85-year-old civil rights leaders with nothing better to do, Lenin said, “When I was first informed there was a populated area between New York and Los Angeles, I was, like, ‘Yeah, right!’ But then I heard some of these wastelands include sentient creatures who can stand upright and use rude tools, so I said, what the hell, hand me my gun and camera and let’s go exploring! I’m just hoping there won’t be anyone there who prays to God or knows the Pledge of Allegiance by heart. That’s just creepy and it’s not who we are as Americans.”

Former something-or-other Hillary Clinton says she’ll be making an important speech at the July convention if she can get out of bed in time. In a statement released to the rim of her toilet, Clinton said, “I’m looking forward to visiting Wisconsin for the first time and finding out why those SOB’s didn’t vote for me. It’s probably because they’re a bunch of deplorable, backward-looking, undynamic, pessimists who don’t like blacks getting rights and women getting jobs, but, who knows, maybe it’s something I said. In any case, I feel sure once they see me in person, they’ll change their minds, the 2016 results will be reversed, and I’ll wake from this living nightmare to find myself president and then, so help me, I’ll give up drinking.”

The people of Wisconsin say they are looking forward to having the Democrats come to visit. As Green Bay Packers fan Beery McCheeseface told a reporter after wrestling him to the ground in a headlock, “Most of these Democrats are socialists and anyone who knows that little about economics should be an easy mark when it comes to selling them plastic souvenir mugs at 65 dollars a shot.”

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