6 Reasons Hillary's a Complete Political Horror Show

Hillary Clinton is legitimately the worst major party candidate in modern American history. First, she ran a close race with a Republican Senate candidate…in New York. Then, she lost an eminently winnable primary election against a neophyte politician with no serious national name brand, despite twenty years of fawning media coverage. Finally, she nearly lost the Democratic nomination to an 8,000-year-old socialist with a bizarre neurological condition forcing him to wave his arms like a small child attempting to beat a bongo. Now she’s tied with the most unpopular candidate in American history, Donald Trump – not because he’s popular, but because people despise her with every waking breath.


Here are 6 reasons Hillary’s a political loser:

1. She’s Personally Mechanical. Today, on the campaign trail, Hillary dropped a joke about Pokemon GO, the new craze sweeping the nation:

This is horrifying. She may as well have gotten up and screeched into the microphone, “HELLO HUMAN CHILDREN I AM LIKE YOU IN THAT I HAVE FEELINGS AND ALSO WILL NEVER IN ANY WAY USE YOUR DECOMPOSED BODIES TO GREASE MY JOINTS HA HA HA.” She’s that mechanical.

How did she even know about Pokemon GO? Get ready:

Two other examples:

SKYNET is coming.

And try this one on for size:

Hide your kids. Hide your wife.

2. She’s Politically Mechanical. This week would have been a good time for Hillary to show some compassion, some principle, or both. She has neither. Instead, she issued the most focus-grouped statements of all time, calling on white people to understand black people better so that she can rally the minority vote. That follows hard on Hillary failing to condemn jihadism after Orlando. In fact, it’s difficult to think of a situation in which Hillary hasn’t picked the most politically beneficial position at any given time, whether she’s stealing Bernie Sanders’ routine in the primaries or aping Donald Trump on trade in the general. And when she’s pandering – oh, Lord. Here’s Hillary pandering to black Americans:

Here’s Hillary pandering to Hispanics:

Hillary Abuela

3. She’s A Brutal Liar. Hillary lies routinely, about virtually everything. Her problems with her private server are only the beginning – and even with regard to setting up a private server and then using it as a thoroughfare for classified information, she continues to lie after being busted by FBI Director James Comey. Hillary lies about the Clinton Foundation; she lies about her time at the State Department; she lies about her husband and her priorities and what she wants out of life. She lies about her corruption and her cash. She hides as much information as possible, simply out of habit. There’s a reason two-thirds of Americans think Hillary is dishonest and untrustworthy.

4. She’s Nasty. Leave aside Hillary’s long record of excoriating Bill Clinton’s sexual assault victims. Hillary’s nasty all on her own. Secret Service agents have written about her nastiness. She obviously revels in attacking – she’s only comfortable politically when she’s targeting the supposed vast right-wing conspiracy or traveling to Atlantic City to bash Donald Trump’s business record. There’s nothing kind or compassionate about Hillary Clinton. Even children apparently run from her in fear.

5. She’s Irritating Beyond All Measure. Watching Hillary Clinton onstage must be irritating even for her friends. It’s not just the high-pitched screaming. It’s the faux-sincere voice, the crazed hand motions, the seriousness with which she obviously takes herself – the unescapable feeling that she’s lecturing you. And most of all, it’s the utter lack of self-awareness – the tut-tutting of Donald Trump for threatening political use of the IRS (um, Barack?), the complaints about meanness in politics (she called Republicans her “enemies” in a debate), the suggestion that anyone who disagrees with her hates women and doesn’t take sexual assault seriously (SERIOUSLY?!?!?!).

Yes, Hillary’s an awful candidate.

She’s currently running even with Trump.

America has picked the two worst people in America to run against one another. We deserve whatever comes next.

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