Trump Thinks Americans Like The Way He Tastes

Despite the fact that Donald Trump’s raging unpopularity numbers would be cause for believing that he makes Americans gag, Trump’s narcissism apparently causes him to think of himself as a freshly-cooked meal over which Americans salivate.

Interviewed by Chris Wallace of Fox News on Sunday, Trump likened the two remaining candidates opposing him, Senator Ted Cruz and Governor John Kasich, to “leftovers,” bragging, “I have two leftovers. I call them leftovers. They haven't been very nice to me. I will beat them. After I beat them I will be so presidential.”

Trump, who obviously thinks he is utterly delectable, warm and savory to the taste, was attempting to soften the impact of the various outrageous and vicious statements he and his campaign have made recently, whether asserting that women should be punished for seeking abortions, or their savage attacks on Michelle Fields and Heidi Cruz, or his statement that Japan and South Korea should have nuclear weapons so the U.S. could pull its forces out of those countries.

The Tasty Candidate™ told Wallace, “You're going to be so bored, you're going to say this is the most boring human being I've ever interviewed. I think if I act very presidential I'll be dull, but that will be fine.”

Wallace queried, “This may sound harsh, but are you in the process of blowing your campaign for president?”

Trump, in his own culinary dream-world: “I think I'm doing very well. Was this my best week? I guess not. I could have done without the retweet, et cetera, et cetera, but I think I'm doing okay.”

He’s about as “okay” as Trump Steaks, the frozen slabs of meat that lasted a whole two months before fading into oblivion. As Trump himself hilariously boasted in in ad for the product, Trump Steaks were “The World’s Greatest Steaks”: “One bite and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.”

The problem for Trump is that the country has had eight months to digest his true persona, and after a series of bites, they’re getting an idea of exactly what he’s talking about. That’s why his unpopularity numbers are staggeringly high.


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