Democrats Forced To Vote On The Crap They Believe In [Satire]

The following is satirical.

Republicans are giving Democrats a chance to vote for their own principles and Democrats are furious.

The clever Republican stratagem began when Cocaine Smuggler and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell threatened to put the Democrats’ Green New Deal up for a vote. Democrat National Committee Chairman Tom Perez reacted strongly to the measure, saying “It’s the oldest trick in the Republican Playbook to put a useless piece of crap legislation up for a vote just because it represents the Democrat Party’s platform. The Green New Deal is meant to be aspirational. It represents our aspiration to completely destroy the American economy while hobbling individual freedom and giving dictatorial powers to the government in the name of a make-believe crisis we only designed in order to frighten the public into submission. But that’s only an aspiration — until we can get our hands on the power to actually pull it off.”

Republicans then put forward a bill not to kill babies, which every Democrat but three voted against. As Senator Corey Booker told an assembly of men dressed as gladiators at some party he was at, “It’s a cheap Republican trick to try to make us look like infanticidal socialists just because we want to kill babies and control everyone’s money. Nothing should get in the way of a woman’s right to commit unimaginable atrocities so that her blackened soul can suffer the torments of hell for all eternity just like any man who also happens to be an infanticidal psychopath.”

Shapely but ignorant Congresswoman Alexandria Occasional Cortex immediately released a video to her followers and other blithering idiots in which she cut up vegetables for crudites and talked nonsense, saying, “No one else is talking nonsense but I’m at least trying to talk nonsense so I’m the boss, which is nonsense, which proves my point.”

Mitch McConnell immediately called for a vote on whether AOC is the boss.


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