KLAVAN: ‘There’s No Un Like Kim Jong Un’ [Satire]

The following is satirical.

Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un will be holding peace talks in Viet Nam, or maybe that’s an acid flashback I’m having. No, I don’t remember ever using acid, so I guess it’s really happening. The eccentric president of the United States and the utterly insane Supreme Leader of North Korea will get together to discuss such issues as whose red button is bigger, where you can get a really good haircut, and whether it’s better to call out journalists for bias or simply have them executed en masse.

According to sources in the American camp, the president plans to approach Kim with a proposal in which North Korea gives up its nuclear program and in return Trump refrains from bouncing Kim down the streets of Hanoi like a looney four-eyed basketball. According to North Korean sources, Kim is planning to offer a counter proposal in which he becomes Supreme Leader of everything that ever was or ever will be and in return Trump gets to worship him by dancing in circles singing, “There is no un like Kim Jong Un.”

After that, both leaders plan to punch each other in the face and then roll around on the floor clawing and scratching at each other while pieces of clothing fly in all directions and words like Pow and Bam appear in the air above them.

Americans say they have high hopes that the Kim-Trump summit in Hanoi will result in similar diplomatic gains to their first summit in Singapore last year, during which Kim promised to begin to think about considering reflecting on the possibility of one day wondering if perhaps he would be completely unwilling to dismantle his nuclear program and Donald Trump then declared victory and ordered a triumphant parade through Washington, D.C. to celebrate peace in our time.

If the summit is not successful, Kim plans to launch a first strike nuclear attack on Los Angeles, which might possibly wipe out Tokyo, after which he will mysteriously disappear into the foundation of Trump’s latest hotel in Moscow.

Should be fun.


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