KLAVAN: California Bans Gender And Other Facts Of Life [Satire]

The following is satirical.

The chairman of the California State Senate Judiciary Committee, Hannah Beth Jackson, says gendered pronouns will no longer be used during committee hearings. I am not making this up. Jackson said — and I swear this is a real quote, "The world is a different place. My grammar teacher's long gone and we won't be hearing from her. From them. From they."

Jackson said the new rule was intended to bring the Judiciary Committee into line with the rest of California’s State government by having it run under the stupidest rules ever devised by man or woman or undifferentiated sexless it-creature.

To accomplish that, Jackson said, committee members would not only be forbidden to mention the existence of gender but would be forced to deny other immutable facts of life as well. For instance, committee members will no longer be allowed to refer to the fact that government actions cost money, but instead will be required to call them “free” as in “free health care,” or “free college,” or “free to live on the street and crap on the sidewalk while screaming at the voices from Saturn being piped into your head through your fillings.” In the event that a committee member should break the rules and mention that all of these things actually come at a considerable cost, said member will be forced to pay a fine, which will be funded by the public’s tax dollars and will therefore be “free.”

Other facts of life that will become unmentionable will be the difference between legal and illegal immigrants, especially in instances where an illegal immigrant murders an innocent American, which will now be referred to as “an act of compassion for suffering refugees resulting in the violent death of a citizen.”

Senator Jackson hopes these rules will become so widespread that no branch of California government will be able to acknowledge reality at all, including the reality that everyone is moving to Texas.


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