NY Times Publishes 'Trump Assassination Porn,' But That's Not The Worst Part

The front page of the New York Times carries a picture of President Donald Trump February 25, 2017 a day after he criticized in a speech the FBI and journalists in New York City.
Robert Nickelsberg/Getty Images

The New York Times, once almost universally considered the most thorough, reliable, and professional news publication in the U.S., is now publishing "Trump assassination porn" that fantasizes about the Secret Service helping a Russian agent murder Trump.

The worst part: rather than passively receiving the submission, The New York Times Book Review went out looking for it, actively petitioning spy and crime novelists to produce Trump-Russia-themed stories that were almost guaranteed to indulge Russian conspiracy theories and include some sort of scenario that ends up with a dead President of the United States. And, of course, when they got one, they were thrilled to push it out to readers. Here's how the editors explain their Trump-Russia fiction mini-series:

[O]ne of the biggest stories out there, of course, is the Mueller investigation and the relationship between Trump and Putin. It's hard not to speculate about what might happen next. To that end, we thought: Who better than some of today's most talented crime and spy novelists — Joseph Finder, Laura Lippman, Jason Matthews, Zoe Sharp, and Scott Turow — to conjure possible outcomes?

One of the novelists proud to have her piece published by the Times was Zoe Sharp, author of the Charlie Fox series, who promoted her piece online. "Honoured to be in @nytimesbooks this week alongside @ScottTurow @JoeFinder @LauraMLippman Jason Matthews. We were asked to write short fiction on what happens next on the US/Russia scene," she wrote.

So what happens in the Trump-Russia fantasy Sharp and the Times are so enthusiastic for the paper's readers to indulge? Spoiler alert: Trump finally gets the "justice" the #resistance mob believes he deserves. Here's how the duly elected 45th President meets his demise:

When it was time, he went downstairs, took his place in the lobby before the entourage appeared. The hotel staff had been lined up to see their boss, the president, go by. A few of them applauded. Most did not.

The president didn’t seem to notice. He waved, in his desultory fashion. The Secret Service agents clustered around him, ushered him toward the armored limo idling outside at the curb.

The Russian waited until they were a few steps past before he drew the gun. He sighted on the center of the president’s back, and squeezed the trigger.

The Makarov misfired.

The Secret Service agent at the president’s shoulder heard the click, spun into a crouch. He registered the scene instantly, drawing his own weapon with razor-edge reflexes.

The Russian tasted failure. He closed his eyes and waited to pay the cost.

It did not come.

He opened his eyes. The Secret Service agent stood before him, presenting his Glock, butt first.

“Here,” the agent said politely. “Use mine. …”

While some of the Times' readership appears to have thoroughly enjoyed reading about Trump's inglorious end, others were left wondering what in the hell has happened to The New York Times.

"Because assassination porn is the funniest kind of porn. You people are sick losers. Every one of you," wrote one critic. "We'd better never hear a damned word about Trump inciting violence ever again," wrote another. "With utmost sincerity: You need to ask @nytimes to take this down. Now," wrote another.

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