Newly-minted "feminist icon" Stormy Daniels is releasing a memoir next month (titled, of course, "Full Disclosure"), and in it, the Resistance's top-ranked female hero describes, in excruciating, day-ruining detail, her sexual encounter with now-President Donald Trump back in 2006.
First, though, she tries to inject herself into the political debate, claiming she never believed Trump would run for president, and that she felt "threatened" as Trump rose through the ranks to win the Republican presidential nomination in 2016. Allegedly fearing repercussions, she inked the now-infamous $130,000 deal to stay quiet about her affair.
Daniels tries to portray herself as an "I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar"-style feminist, who scraped out a living, rising through poverty and abuse to become an "award-winning" adult film star, and as expected, the usual feminist suspects are armed and ready to defend Daniels as the uber-victim: an empowered woman brought low by the overbearing and oppressive patriarchy, exemplified by the man in the Oval Office.
Her lawyer, Michael Avenatti, even claims the book is Daniels's "description of her life and role as a modern woman unafraid to speak truth to power."
But Daniels's "feminism" loses something in the translation, particularly when the heroine goes into detail about a sexual encounter she had with Trump at his penthouse in 2006.
“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels writes. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool ... I lay there, annoyed that I was getting f***ed by a guy with Yeti pubes and a d*ck like the mushroom character in Mario Kart."
“It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion," she adds.
Sure, sure. Life-ruining as that may be (or, rather, Mario Kart-ruining), it doesn't exactly make Stormy Daniels Susan B. Anthony agitating for the 19th Amendment.