Elizabeth Meriwether, creator of the hit show “New Girl,” wrote a piece for Lena Dunham’s Lenny Letter where she described a disturbing, twisted sexual fantasy starring herself and Republican Senator Ted Cruz.
First Meriwether attempts to man-handle the senator, then takes him to a leftist sex-dungeon/left-wing-paradise—which includes a “Renaissance Abortion Fair,” “beautiful” naked Obama, and DNC figures Elizabeth Warren and Debbie Wasserman Schultz “scissoring” each other—before revealing that Ted Cruz is not just an evil conservative, but an actual alien “trying to take over America.”
Before all the grotesque details, let’s review why Meriwether indulges in this fantasy about Cruz in the first place. Answer: Cruz dared to point out that the left is obsessed with sex and that ISIS executes homosexuals. The nerve.
After failing at what looks to be an attempt at humor by declaring that she is “wetter than a bucket of water in a rainstorm” from hearing Cruz talk social issues, Meriwether sets the fantasy scene of her and Cruz in her hotel room where the senator is, of course, crying like a scared child and desperately pleading to “cuddle” instead of have sex.
“I’m not going to fucking cuddle with you, Ted Cruz. Now take off your clothes, lie down on that bed, and let me eat off you like a plate.” I was naked at this point and covered in barbecue sauce. MSNBC was blaring on the cheap hotel TV, and I ignored his tears and gnawed on another pork rib.
The hard-leftist then depicts Cruz in seemingly an about-to-be-raped scene (Which is confusing because I thought rape-culture was their thing?):
He lay there, naked, waiting to see what I was going to do…Ted nodded, trying to avoid getting hit in the face with barbecue sauce. He was really freaking out at this point: “Liz, let’s just do it if we’re going to do it! I need to go pick out a plaid shirt and belt for tomorrow!”
Before Cruz can be raped, they fall into a sex-dungeon where Matt Damon is “dipping his balls into Nancy Pelosi’s hair,” “Elizabeth Warren scissored Debbie Wasserman Schultz,” and Hillary seduces FDR.
Hillary was sitting on FDR’s lap, dressed as a sexy Depression-era nurse, purring into his ear: “I’m going to make wages go up!” FDR whispered back, his voice dripping with lust: “You’re making me go up, girl. The only thing you have to fear … is underneath this lap blanket.”
And, of course, President Obama makes the cut: “Behind a large wooden desk sat President Obama. He was naked. He was beautiful. For a moment, Ted Cruz was frozen. Mystified by his grandeur.”
“We rounded a corner and saw a couple of homosexuals with rock-hard boners getting married,” continued Meriwether before depicting a Renaissance Abortion Fair where customers gleefully "give one another abortions while eating caramel apples and making candles." Of course the left's hero, rabid racist and eugenicist Margaret Sanger was there telling women to "Spread thy legs and scoot thy body down the table …"
Although Meriwether means for this to be satirical, the description of possibly her real-life, left-wing fantasy sneaks into her writing.
Poor people were everywhere, making love to one another, then taking naps, then not working. Teenagers were having sex with condoms, and not just where condoms are supposed to go but condoms everywhere, condoms on their hands and condoms on their heads like hats, which just looked dumb and uncomfortable. Nobody had guns. Nobody had God. Nobody had jobs. All you could see for miles was just a mass of body hair and guitars and vibrators and empathy.
Finally, the climax that couldn’t be more anti-climatic: Ted Cruz is an evil conservative alien trying to take over America.
Back in the hotel room, Ted was visibly shaken even though it was impossible to tell from looking at his face, which is always plastered into a weird frozen alien mask, like an alien is trying to smile while doing a big number two. I asked him if he actually was an alien…and he reached up to his neck and took off his face skin like in the movie Face Off and also lots of other movies and showed me what was underneath. He was an alien! He was this cute little green alien! His name was Zogon the Large Face, and he said he was trying to take over America in order to prepare it for the coming Alien Invasion of 2018.
And people say Hollywood is filled with a bunch of left-wing nut jobs who hate conservatives. I can’t imagine why.