New 'Feminist Business School' Will Help You Battle Both Capitalism And The Patriarchy

The online program called 'Sister' will run you $1200 — quite the capitalistic feat.

An online education program, started by Evergreen State College graduate and former "feminist performance artist" Jennifer Armbrust, promises to help women engage in the business world without losing their core feminist values: how to "conceive" and "birth" a new business while systematically dismantling the Patriarchy and establishing yourself as an "earth-centered" goddess. (because of course that's its name) promises that those willing to pay a very capitalist $1200 to take Armbrust's online course, “Concepts and Conceptions,” will learn how to "give birth" to feminist businesses, while she acts as a "midwife," assuring that you continue to battle the forces of oppression while encouraging them to patronize your new endeavor.

The Sister program operates on 12 guiding principles, which include "You Have a Body," and "You Are Connected to the Earth," as well as "Cultivate Abundance and Consciousness," and "Free Yourself From the Myth of Meritocracy." By living these principles, Armbrust promises that you'll receive a “huge leg-up on established entrepreneurs” and you'll “avoid the frustrations and pitfalls of outdated masculine business models."

Sister also offers "feminist business consulting," presumably so that you can take your already established business and make it insufferable, and "proposals for a feminist economy," which argues that "generosity," "mindfulness," and "gratitude," replace more "masculine" economic traits, like "efficiency," "competition," the "vilification of poverty," and "making a profit."

Frankly, given that last "feminist economic characteristic," you can probably save yourself the $1200. No matter how "conscious" and "feminist" your business is, you'll be on the unemployment line quickly if you're ideologically opposed to actually making money.

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