I have to admit, I used to think CNN was just a left-leaning news outlet that hides its political bias but still occasionally reports the truth. Now I think CNN is a Trump-Russia wish fulfillment outlet that is so inept you would have to be a complete dumb*** to not see the leftist bias. Now what is the interim period between those two opinions, you ask? 16 hours, 16 earth-shattering hours to my mental capacities, 16 hours straight of CNN.
Who is it that came up with the masochistic idea of subjecting themselves to 16 hours of leftist propaganda? None other than our friends over at Louder with Crowder, of course! Being a masochist myself, I decided to join them on their journey, eventually leading me to ponder what exactly was more absurd: witnessing dwarf Jesus best dwarf Santa in the figgy pudding battle of the ages, or the fact that CNN is still on air… Sorry, I’m getting a bit off topic; I think the staggering mediocrity of Wolf Blitzer just gave me a mini-aneurism. Nevertheless, here are the five lessons I painstakingly learned from the #CrowderCNNLivestream.
1. Breaking News: The Story Already Broke
It doesn’t take long to notice that CNN breaks a story every 15 minutes or so with the words “Breaking” or “Developing” appearing on the chyron. This would be fine if any of the stories were actually just in; across the six to seven various stories they covered during the day, almost all the stories “broke” about five times each during CNN’s programing. Among those stories was a speech from Al Franken that happened a day before, a blurb about Bannon hating Bush Jr. that broke back in October, and speculation that Vice President Mike Pence liked President Donald Trump too much… yes, really. In reality CNN broke roughly 3 stories during its 16 hours of programming, but only the first time they covered it, not the second thru fifth times.
2. This Just In: Trump X Putin 16/7
About half of CNN’s coverage is dedicated to fueling a fantasy land where Trump-Russia collusion actually exists even after all of the narrative fails of the past few weeks. Adam Schiff should show his “evidence” sooner rather than later or CNN may be forced to move his sleeping bag out from under Jeff Zucker’s desk. Besides wish fulfillment, this illustrates how unnecessary the 24 hour news cycle truly is. I’ll touch on this a bit later.
3. Stop The Presses: CNN Is Not Republican Friendly
Even if President Trump were taken out of the equation, almost all the coverage of the day was critical of Republicans and roughly zero reflected badly on Democrats. Much of the day’s coverage was focused on the government shutdown and CHIP (Children’s Health Insurance Program) funding and how Republicans want to defund it, which is not true. Commentary consisted of Republicans wanting to kill nine million Tiny Tims, the constant interrupting of former Republican Senator Rick Santorum by host Brooke Baldwin and her Guest, and about five seconds of coverage when Republicans actually passed funding for CHIP after hours of how Republicans were literally going to kill children.
4. Read All About It: I’m So Dumb, I Don’t Think I’m Capable of Reading Anymore
Typically I only consume about an hour and a half of news a day, and I feel relatively informed after doing so. One might think after 16 hours of news, I would be really on the ball for that particular day, right? Wrong. The only newsworthy things covered for the day were the U.N.’s ruling to condemn Trump's decision to move the U.S. embassy to Israel’s capital, Jerusalem, Republicans funding CHIP, and the Melbourne attack. This amount of information could have been summed up in about 30 minutes, and not been played to death over 16 hours. On top of the unnecessary length, I very nearly missed the fact that Republicans funded CHIP; I never heard the Melbourne attacker was of Afghan descent and was partially motivated by the mistreatment of Muslims; I didn’t hear a single thing mentioned about the Uranium One story despite it being trending on Twitter, and to add to the amount of sifting through speculation of Trump-Russia, I was treated to an hour segment of late night’s relationship with Trump. To make a long story short, I felt notably misinformed compared to any other typical day.
5. Developing: Jake Tapper Deserves a Better Home
Yes, I do still think Jake Tapper has a left-leaning bias, but I do think he tries to disseminate truth from time to time. A case in point: Tapper ran a segment on his show chastising the members of the U.N. with not-so-great humanitarian records in response to the U.N.’s vote to condemn the United States for recognizing Jerusalem as Israel’s capital. To that, I applaud. See more of this story from Hank Berrien here.
Bonus: Someone Give This Crowder Guy a Medal
I may not have walked away from this experience any smarter, but I certainly gained the wisdom that there is much merit to uttering the phrase “CNN is fake news.” For that revelation I owe thanks to Steven Crowder and Co. and if it weren’t for how wildly entertaining they are, I would have logged out 15 minutes in.