The Left always thinks of the best ways to bring people together for the holidays. From detailed survival guides to advice on how to debate with Trump supporters at the dinner table, the Left sure knows how to make the holidays a splendid experience.
However, GQ has taken it a step further. Rather than teaching their ilk on how to treat Trump supporters in a civil manner on Thanksgiving, the magazine advocates that people just downright sabotage the holiday for their MAGA-supporting family and friends.
"This year, if you’re headed home to a household that still thinks a sex-offending game show host in rapid cognitive decline was the best choice for a president, it is your civic duty to filibuster Thanksgiving," exclaims GQ.
After going on for several paragraphs about the pain Hillary supporters endured at last year's Thanksgiving, GQ profiles three ways for those still upset over Trump's election to stick it to those of a different mindset.
1.) Don't show up. That also includes your parents if they're hosting, not just that crazy uncle who wears his MAGA hat in the shower. They write:
For some parents, your absence will speak louder than any sodden arguments over the density of pumpkin pie. If you can’t even look them in the eye, they’ll know you mean business. Besides, Friendsgiving rules.
2.) Show up and be kind of an a******. Rather than make your parents sad by just being absent, make them wonder where they went wrong by being a total jerk instead.
"No hugs; only stiff, formal handshakes. During the football game, talk about police brutality nonstop," says GQ. "Take any opportunity to emphasize just how much Bruce Springsteen and the entire E Street band loathes Trump. Come out as an aspiring professional DJ."
3.) Scorched Earth. In short, pull no punches. Make every moment of Thanksgiving a living, breathing hell for your family, raising political positions at every moment and insulting them if they tune you out. "Not even a handshake; just stare, disgustedly, at their outstretched arms," says GQ. Here are the creative tips they provide:
- Build a wall out of mashed potatoes.
- During the football game, order 10 Papa John’s pizzas—the official foodstuff of the alt right—and use them as pie charts to demonstrate who benefits most from the GOP tax plan.
- Refuse to be alone in a room with your mom, citing the Mike Pence rule.
- Call your parents by a Donald Trump nickname of your choosing—perhaps Little Rocket Mom or Liddle’ Dad.
- Insist on setting a place for Robert Mueller, the way Jews do for Elijah on Passover.
- Wear a coal miner hat for solidarity.
- Punch a cornucopia right in the mouth.
GQ takes this very seriously, as it is about "more than just spite," but "about potentially chipping away at the ~35 percent of un-budging Trump supporters."
Should any of this fail, GQ advises that people take pride in knowing they ruined their parents' Thanksgiving and look forward to next year when they can ruin it all over again.