WATER STILL WET: The Week’s Top 4 Most Pointless Headlines

The unyielding deluge of leftist tears this week was glorious and satisfying. Hillary Clinton’s campaign allegedly broke the law, the Obama administration purposely directed settlement money away from conservative groups, we discovered Mark Halperin is a perv, the DOJ settled with targeted Tea Party groups, and the FBI apparently knew about Russian influence peddling, bribery and corruption all the way back in 2009. If the Democrats keep this up, my leftist tears mug may runneth over.

But apart from the Left’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week, and their subsequent attempts to deflect, refocus on Trump, and mischaracterize what’s actually going on, a few pretty obvious headlines found their way into the mix. So without further ado, I present this week’s top four most useless headlines:

1. Hannity Is A Nightly Recruitment Video For The Cult Of Donald Trump (Slate)

Pot, meet kettle.

A big thanks to the dumpster fire that is Slate for expounding on that which we already know. Hannity is more or less Trump propaganda, but at least the guy admits it. Replace “Hannity” with “Slate”, and “Donald Trump” with “Leftism” and the title to your pointless article still works.

2. Republicans In Congress Are Hugely Unpopular Survey Finds (Salon)

I’m pretty sure that my dog, a German Shepherd, Corgi mix (yes, just as cool as it sounds), wearing a fancy little suit outfit for dogs, could get more done on the Senate floor than Mitch McConnell. Most of what he got done on the floor we’d need a janitor for (don’t ask Corn Pops to send one — they’re racist), but he’d still be more productive than Congressional Republicans.

Suburbicon has a higher approval rating than Republicans in Congress. Candy Corn is more popular as well, and everyone knows it’s the worst candy of all time. I’d eat Tums, Grandma’s butterscotch purse-candies, and wood chips before I ate Candy Corn. And yet, they’re still better than Congressional Republicans.

3. Rosie O'Donnell 'Seriously' Worried If She 'Will Be Able To Live Through' Trump's Presidency (Fox News)

Join the club Rosie.

Let’s be honest though… how much could Donald Trump’s election have really changed Rosie O’Donnell’s life? My guess is that it hasn’t changed at all. If you know Rosie O’Donnell — if she’s family or a friend — please assist her in getting the psychological help she needs.

4. Ryan: People Don't Care About Senator's Concerns About Trump (Associated Press)

We really don’t. When conservatives I respect criticize Trump, I’m more than happy to listen. And when Trump does bad things, I’m more than happy to say it. But when RINOs like Jeff Flake, Bob Corker and John McCain bluster on about how righteous and brave they are for standing up to the President, all the while voting like Democrats, they deserve to be completely tuned out.

We don’t care about your grandstanding. We don’t care about your self-serving indignation. I’m sticking with Ted Cruz on this one. “Shut up and do your job.”

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