Chicago Man Arrested For Vandalizing Christopher Columbus Statue

Italian explorer was hit with red spray paint.

One man was arrested Saturday after he and two others defaced a statue of Christopher Columbus in Chicago's Arrigo Park.

According to Chicago police, Kyle Miskell, who is 30 years old and should probably know better, used red spray pint to vandalize the monument with an unspecified message.

A neighbor reported a disturbance in Arrigo Park in the early hours of Saturday morning, telling police that she found Miskell and two co-conspirators mid-protest, screaming obscenities, including "F--- Columbus," "F--- the USA," and "Die Columbus!" as they penned creative slogans like, "All colonies are burning," "Muerte al estado," and "f--- Columbus" on the statue's base.

For good measure, Miskell and his friends included an anarchy symbol.

When they noticed the neighbor, the three took off on their bikes, like ten-year-olds running from a toilet-papering, but Miskell was nabbed by a Chicago police officer when he failed to make it even one block before falling off his cycle. He was caught literally red-handed, holding his can of spray-paint, and decked out in a black mask and plastic gloves.

Miskell, who is not , in fact, Hispanic, hails from Pilsen, a hotbed of hipster gentrification on Chicago's West Side. Ironically, the actual Hispanic population in Pilsen — which has been part of the city's fabric for decades — has been fighting the hipster influx, claiming young whites are moving into the neighborhood's inexpensive housing, and bringing their artisan cheese shops, normcore high-waisted jean shorts, and faux-progressive politics with them.

As a result, the neighborhood's longtime residents face a hike in property taxes, and are being driven to less-safe neighborhoods, all by hipster "colonialists."

Miskell is being held on 3,000 bail, charged with felony criminal damage to government property and criminal defacement of property. The city cleaned off poor Christopher Columbus Monday morning.

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