The NFL took a knee on Sunday, and as predicted, many Americans decided to take a knee on football. That left me, and a whole lot of other folks, with a lot more time on our hands. I bought groceries, took the dogs for a walk, played with the kids, and surfed the web for some mindless news entertainment. Luckily, apart from the NFL, Puerto Rico and Trump’s tax cuts, real news was pretty lean this week. That resulted, of course, in a surplus of worthless headlines and interesting stories you already knew were true. And so, without further ado, I present the most useless headlines of the week:

1. "Woman Who Got An Eyeball Tattoo May Lose Her Eye, Now She's Warning Others" (WGN 9 Chicago)

News flash, lady: We don’t need you to warn us against letting a grungy tattooed guy stick needles into our eyes. This is natural selection at its finest.

2. "Protesters In Berkeley Aren't Sure Why They Are Protesting" (Hot Air)

This is another piece of video gold from Fleccas Talks. Make sure you follow the link and watch, you won’t regret it. The interviewer, Arthur Fletcher, recently said in an interview with Tucker Carlson that he doesn’t think more than 5-10% of leftist protesters would be able to articulate that which they are protesting.

The best part of the video:

Fletcher: Ok, what about Robert Byrd and the Left, and the Clintons and Obama connections with Robert Byrd?

Protester: Who is Robert Byrd?

Just priceless. (Read The Daily Wire's coverage of the video here.)

3. "Trump Promotes 'Giant, Beautiful, Massive' Tax Plan" (ABC News)

It’s going to be YUUUUGE.

4. "NBA Commissioner: Players Will Stand For The Anthem" (Deadline)

I’m glad to see someone in the sports world has a modicum of business sense. Adam Silver came out, very diplomatically, against the anthem protests on Thursday saying, “It’s been a rule as long as I’ve been involved with the league, and my expectation is that our players will continue to stand for the anthem.”

It’s almost inarguable that the national anthem protests will be bad for NFL ratings, making Silver’s move to nip it in the bud while everyone is still distracted by football a smart play.

5. "California Lawmaker Wants To Ban Gas Car Sales After 2040" (Sacramento Bee)

Does it surprise anyone that California wants to do this?

Of course, actually accomplishing it will be completely economically unfeasible and will likely plunge California even further into economic ruin. But hey, at least California Democrats are putting people back to work! So what if those workers are four year olds, making eight pennies a day, who don’t live in this country, and who are forced to mine minerals for your electric car battery. They should be grateful to those Democrats for securing their economic future (yeah global economy!).

Without those tiny little hands digging for cobalt, how would Ben Affleck, Cameron Diaz, Will Smith, Leonardo DiCaprio, Steven Spielberg and Morgan Freeman be able to virtue signal to the peasants as they drive their Teslas?