Hillary Clinton Spent 600 Hours In The Makeup Chair Because America Is Sexist

It's tough to be a woman in the public eye. Or something.

Hillary Clinton claims, in her new book, What Happened, that she was forced to spend hundreds of hours getting her hair and makeup done because Americans are super duper sexist.

“I’m not jealous of my male colleagues often, but I am when it comes to how they can just shower, shave, put on a suit and be ready to go. The few times I’ve gone out in public without makeup, it’s made the news,” she wrote, according to Newsweek magazine. She says she was "shocked" to discover how much time and money it took to get her "television ready."

Apparently, in the time since she was First Lady, the nation's Patriarchy has expanded exponentially, driving women to spend hours and hours fixing their hair and putting on their face, lest their husbands and other male members of society see them in their natural state, and immediately ramp up their oppression.

Clinton was particularly jealous, she says, of Bernie Sanders, who often looks like he spent the last week sleeping under a bridge in a cold climate. The sweater-vest-and-mad-scientist-hair was Bernie's signature look, and progressive journalists took to mainstream media sites to defend his scatterbrained couture.

Clinton, however, was "forced" to prep for hours in advance of any media appearance, and spend thousands of dollars on ill-fitting coats and terribly tailored pantsuits, just so she could be "taken seriously" by a media that was booking hotel rooms for her coronation back in August of 2015.

It takes a lot of effort, Clinton writes, “just to be a woman in the public eye.”

In fairness to Clinton, women do get more blow-back from a bad outfit than men do. But 2016 was hardly the year when the media went easy on the male candidate in a female-against-male matchup. President Donald Trump's hair, poorly fitted suits and Scotch taped tie were magnets for mockery in the media.

And even though Clinton spent hours in a makeup chair, it paid off: women's magazines who glossed right over fashion goddess Melania, named Clinton one of the year's "best dressed" women. Vogue has done 20 stories on Clinton's revolutionary campaign couture in 2017 alone, well after Clinton disappeared from the public eye.

Republican women candidates, like Carly Fiorina, on the other hand, were viciously mocked for their hair and makeup — and Clinton, whose "feminism" is limited to an embrace of only her own ideological sisters, made nary a peep.

There's also the matter of personal choice: Angela Merkel and Theresa May are often pictured without makeup (though May is never pictured without fabulous shoes), and Clinton has long been vocal about breaking the mold. Back when she was First Lady, she openly insulted women who stay home with their children, claiming they did little but "bake cookies and have teas," as though she was somehow better than America's domestic engineers. She didn't have to spend 600 hours getting painted and coiffed if she didn't want to.


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