There's Trump Derangement Syndrome, and then there's Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank devoting a whole column to how President Trump is literally killing him.
Yes, he's being serious.
In a Friday column, Milbank wrote that during a recent check-up, he told his doctor that he had been dealing with "fatigue, headaches, poor sleep, even some occasional chest pain." The doctor discovered Milbank suffered from blood pressure that was "alarmingly high."
Milbank eventually figured out the source of his health issues: Trump!
"I was suffering from Trump Hypertensive Unexplained Disorder, or THUD," wrote Milbank. "For almost five decades, I had been the picture of health, but eight months into Trump’s presidency, I was suddenly ailing."
His doctor agreed, and Milbank argued that he has proof that THUD actually exists, thanks to a "longitudinal study" he conducted:
I am spending the evening with friends. Blood pressure: 116/67.
Trump says he is going to respond to North Korea with “fire and fury.” Blood pressure: 150/95.
I’m at home with the kids. Blood pressure: 117/69.
Jeff Sessions says they’re scrapping the DACA program: 137/92.
Trump agrees with “Chuck and Nancy” to avoid a debt-limit fight. Blood pressure: 122/81.
I remember that Trump’s term lasts another 40 months. Blood pressure: 159/97.
Milbank proceeded to argue that "THUD is a widespread phenomenon," citing dentists who claimed "more people are clenching and grinding their teeth" and therapists who say their patients' mental health issues have worsened, all due to Trump.
The columnist pointed out that there was "a health gap" over the past eight years in which Republicans were less healthy than Democrats, and then claimed Trump was fixing the gap by making Democrats less healthy.
"Happily, I have addressed my case of Trump Hypertensive Unexplained Disorder in its early stages, and my doctor has started me on blood-pressure medication," Milbank concluded. "My prescription is renewable until January 2021, at which point I expect it will no longer be medically necessary."
Memo to Milbank: columns like this will ensure that Trump wins re-election in 2020. To actually argue that the president is causing Democratic voters to have health issues is the adult equivalent of the social justice warriors whining about hurt feelings on college campuses. If Milbank really is suffering from THUD, he should take a deep breath, realize there's more to life than Trump, and focus on columns dealing with policy — rather than claiming that Trump is killing him.
Otherwise, Milbank may need that prescription until January 2025.