WATER STILL WET: Hillary Clinton Book Tour Edition

We all know "what happened," Hillary ...

Hillary Clinton’s unintentionally hilarious and incessantly whiny presidential race memoir, What Happened, hit bookstores and Amazon this week and the response has been amazing. In the weeks prior to publication, people expected Hillary to rant and rave and blame and moan and deflect all personal responsibility in the long-winded tome. Lordy… she did not disappoint.

I felt it only fitting, since most of us saw this coming, to share some of the best unnecessary headlines critics had to offer. So without further ado, here are the week’s most pointless and uproariously funny stories concerning What Happened:

1. "We All Know What Happened, Hillary: You're A Loser! Now Get Over It And Give The Rest Of Us A Break" (DailyMail)

I’m usually not a fan of Piers Morgan and his arrogant, British-accented, self-righteousness, but boy does he nail it in this article. He’s correct of course: we all know "what happened." Hillary Clinton was a terrible, corrupt, untrustworthy candidate, who ran an abysmal campaign that alienated half the country (a specialty of the Democrats).

His analysis of her campaign strategy is spot on:

“Hillary ran a diabolically elitist and blinkered campaign that basically boiled down to this mantra: ‘Trump’s disgusting, his supporters are a basket of deplorable idiots, I’m a brilliant woman, my husband used to be President, and I have lots of rich, famous friends — so vote for me.’”

2. "Hillary Clinton's Book Signing Was As Insufferable As You'd Expect" (New York Post)

Maureen Callahan starts off gently with the following:

“Among the enduring criticisms of Hillary Clinton: Her sense of entitlement is limitless. She’s tone-deaf and doesn’t understand the average American — nor does she care to. Her greed is insatiable.”

Clinton was more than 40 minutes late to her kickoff book signing, and according to Callahan, failed to apologize to, or even address her crowd of sycophantic supporters.

3. "White House Weighs In On Hillary Clinton's New Book: 'Sad'" (Politico)

According to Politico, when White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, was asked about the President’s thoughts on Hillary’s book, she responded by saying, “Whether or not he’s going to read Hillary Clinton’s book, I’m not sure. I would think he’s pretty well-versed on what happened, and I think it’s pretty clear to all of America.”

Shocking! Knowing Donald Trump and his eagerness to praise rivals and enemies, I would have guessed he would be praising Clinton’s book as “brilliant”!

4. "Clinton: I Relied On Prayer, Yoga And 'My Fair Share Of Chardonnay' After 'Devastating' 2016 Loss" (CNN)

The actual article, written by the leftist boot-lickers at CNN, unsurprisingly portrays Hillary in a very positive light, and as a “deeply spiritual person.” Regardless, the headline is excellent. I don’t necessarily want to be mean-spirited, but the thought of Hillary Clinton (who, remember, is a thoroughly dishonest and bad person) sitting on her couch, not in the White House, drinking Chardonnay and binge-watching Friday Night Lights is deeply satisfying to me.

For the sake of Republicans, we should all hope Hillary Clinton never, ever stops injecting herself into the public eye. As she continues becoming a caricature of herself, it becomes ever more apparent that her presence in the political sphere strongly and negatively impacts her fellow Democrats. From a human perspective though, I sincerely hope she just gives up, goes away and drinks all the Chardonnay she wants. She has her family, grandkids, and more money than you can spend in a lifetime. Instead of allowing herself to enjoy those gifts, she has continued to slink through the shadows, searching for power, seething, “The precciouuuss. Gives uss the precciouuusss.”


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