The Alt-Right's Little Tiki Men

"How fitting a symbol"

The alt-right, white nationalist thugs of Charlottesville waving their Tiki torches to the chants of "Blood and Soil!" serve as a cautionary tale for what's to come if too many American men think that sharing their newly-crafted "Pepe the Frog" meme on a 4chan message board substitutes for a date with the fairer sex.

In the pre-Viagra days, if you wanted to vent your sexual frustrations by playing the part of a racist vigilante, you had to do it with some style. Not much required really: white sheets, scissors to poke some holes, and a steady horse. The days when attending the weekly cross burning ritual had certain prerequisites like knowing how to build your own torch. They would have figured that it doesn't exactly scream "WHITE POWER!" to bring a Tiki torch to a lynch mob knowing fully well that some of their brethren might be a bit spooked by its Polynesian origins.

How ironic is this...

According to Polynesian legend, the word "Tiki" comes from the first man created by the god Tāne. Other legends attribute his creation to the war god Tūmatauenga. The story goes, and I'm quoting Wikipedia here, "Tiki was lonely and craved company." This loneliness plagued him so intensely that after "seeing his reflection in a pool, he thought he had found a companion." Discovering this to be only a reflection, the Tiki man became angry, and then covered the pool with earth, and it was out of this earth that the first woman sprang forth. Now for a time, the pair had no relations, that is until the day the woman saw an eel – a slithering doppelganger of a phallus that excited her – and the two finally got their freak on.

The Tiki man – how fitting a symbol for the alt-right thugs of Charlottesville – a lonely man in love with his own image, and whose lack of sexual prowess dulls his lady friend to the point she finds the ugliest creature on the planet more arousing than him.

We have a word in the English lexicon for such men. President Trump would even put it down as one of his "best words" this side of covfefe. Mr. President, I now yield the floor to you...

Thank you, Mr. President. No other word describes them best. For this is a group who waves the flag of a losing side (Confederacy), marches under the label of a defeated ideology (Nazism), and showed up to protest in the name of a defeated general (Robert E. Lee).


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