Stephen Rodrick, writing for a magazine best-known for pushing a rape hoax and slapping a glammed-up photo of a Boston terrorist on their cover, is seriously disturbed that President Donald Trump is occupying the White House; meanwhile, Canada is being led by a Ramadan-themed-sock-wearing, gay-pride-parade-going socialist with nice hair.
"Why can't he be our president?" reads the cover of the latest issue of Rolling Stone magazine, which features an image of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau giving his best Blue Steel into the camera.
Rodrick's lengthy (intimate) interview is packed with gratuitous comparisons between Trump and Trudeau, both political and personal.
In short: Trudeau signed onto the Life Saving Paris Accord, he has hair "a color found in nature," he adores abortion, he uses an "indoor voice," he compassionately imports tens of thousands of refugees, he swats away the 9-iron for a snowboard, he wears Islamic-themed socks to the gay pride parade, and loves socialized medicine.
... and all that implies about evil Trump and our yucky country.
Here's some of Rodrick's take on the prime minister (and, in effect, President Trump):
It's strange to witness: He speaks in a modulated, indoor voice. His dark hair is a color found in nature. At home, there is a glamorous wife and three photogenic children, still not old enough to warm his seat at next week's G-20 summit or be involved in an espionage scandal.
When Trudeau moves on to his feminist bona fides (women and minorities make up more than half of his Cabinet), he pauses for a moment, but does not lose his train of thought. His words are coherent and will not need to be run through Google Translate when he is done (except if you want to translate his French into English).
"Justin Trudeau is trying to Make Canada Great Again. He is using, let us say, different methods," gushes Rodrick.
"Trudeau reminds me of, well, Obama," writes Rodrick. "For Trudeau, listening is seducing. But as soon as I start asking questions, he snaps into place, admiringly forthcoming on his life journey and frustratingly on message when it comes to political answers. As we chat, he smiles and locks in with his blue eyes."
An Obama comparison? I told you things got intimate.
After the interview infused with sweet-nothings about Handsome Bernie Sanders, Rodrick closes with a knock on America for good measure:
This is Trudeau's vision of what a country can be. His land races toward inclusion, while our nation builds walls and lusts for an era of vanilla homogeneity that ain't coming back. At this moment, Justin Trudeau's Canada looks like a beautiful place to ride out an American storm.
Such subtle hatred for America.