Reebok just couldn't help itself.
The mega-sports company's motto is "I Am What I Am." So when they saw a new pair of jeans being sold by Nordstrom – $425 a pop and "pre-dirtied" to look like their wearers have spent the day in back-breaking work on the farm – well, something just snapped.
The company posted a new link for a men's running Reebok authentic sweat shirt. Yes, it's just a T-shirt, and yes, the list price really is $425.
The description is perfect.
Reebok Authentic Sweat Shirt
Created by the hard working Reebok employees who always find time to sweat it out during the day. We’re putting in the hard work for you and giving you a pre-sweated tee for that post-workout look and smell.
Authentic sweat for those who don’t have time to put in the real work
Actual stains that will last forever (do not wash)
Accurate placement of stains created by sweaty employees after workout for maximum visibility
But Reebok won't actually be making a dime off the overpriced item. The listing says "sold out" and offers up some other comparable items (including a UFC shirt for the far more reasonable price of $19.99).
The mocking ad follows the very real sale of pre-dirtied jeans by Nordstrom, which described them as "Heavily distressed medium-blue denim jeans in a comfortable straight-leg fit embody rugged, Americana workwear that's seen some hard-working action with a crackled, caked-on muddy coating that shows you're not afraid to get down and dirty."
Well, you ARE afraid to get down and dirty if you're buying pre-filthified jeans.
Mike Rowe, the former host of "Dirty Jobs" who knows a thing or two about getting dirty, blasted the jeans.
But forget the jeans themselves for a moment, and their price, and look again at the actual description. “Rugged Americana” is now synonymous with a “caked-on, muddy coating.” Not real mud. Fake mud. Something to foster the illusion of work. The illusion of effort. Or perhaps, for those who actually buy them, the illusion of sanity.
The Barracuda Straight Leg Jeans aren’t pants. They’re not even fashion. They’re a costume for wealthy people who see work as ironic – not iconic. To them, might I suggest the revolutionary new "Borax Wash," which I discovered some years ago while rescuing birds who had the misfortune of falling into Searle’s Lake in the lovely and picturesque town of Trona.