On Friday, without much fanfare, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced that she would be abandoning her abode in the forest – you know, the one with the gingerbread walls and the children in the cage – and coming back to political life. “I’m like a lot of my friends right now, I have a hard time watching the news….I do not believe that we can let political divides harden into personal divides,” the former First Lady, who once said that Republicans were her enemies and that she was the victim of a vast right-wing conspiracy, explained. “I am ready to come out of the woods and to help shine a light on what is already happening around kitchen tables, at dinners like this, to help draw strength that will enable everybody to keep going.”

Local townspeople immediately began gathering torches and pitchforks in preparation for Hillary’s reappearance on the public scene. Hillary’s original hiding place was allegedly discovered by three student filmmakers hiking in the Black Hills; we only know about it because their student footage was discovered three years later.

Upon re-emergence, Hillary was accompanied by her daughter, Chelsea, who was carrying a children’s book titled She Persisted.

It is rather incredible that the media continue to pray for Hillary to break back onto the political scene after losing the most winnable election for a Democrat in modern history. They just can’t get enough of her – and so they’ve been rumoring a mayoral run in New York City. Hillary would be foolish to try it. Then again, the Democrats just keep nominating her for things.