Melinda Gates, the wife of billionaire and Microsoft founder Bill Gates, may hail from a Catholic family, but like most Catholics of her era, the post-1960's "Jesus is my pal" types, she has no idea how Catholicism works when it comes to its core teachings on morality.

We know them all: abortion, homosexuality, contraception, and divorce. Catholicism, going all the way back to St. Paul, has equally condemned all of these as morally wrong and has forbidden their practice.

Catholicism has taught this for over 2,000 years because human nature never changes, no matter if we ride around on a horse and chariot or a Lexus convertible. Human beings are the same now as they were back when gladiators impaled each other as adoring crowds cheered them on; the more blood the merrier.

Human nature never changes, which is why child sacrifice went from an extinct institution to being suddenly fashionable again (I'm looking at you, Planned Parenthood).

Despite the overwhelming evidence that the Catholic Church has taught these moral precepts from its inception, Cafeteria "Catholics" and former Catholics like Melinda Gates still hold to the presumption that the Church will magically change their teaching on these issues because the "times have changed" and the majority demands it.

In a recent interview with the BBC, Gates expressed "optimism" that the Catholic Church, which her charity regularly works with in the noble fight against poverty, would change its teaching on the issue of contraception, calling it “one of the greatest anti-poverty innovations the world has ever known.”

“I think what this Pope sees is that if we are going to lift people out of poverty, you have to do the right thing for women, and so we have agreed at this point to disagree,” she said, adding that though Pope Francis has not changed Church teaching "yet" (he never will), she is "optimistic" it will happen "over time."

Since Gates has painted the Catholic Church's teaching on contraception as some kind of back-handed patriarchal edict that sentences scores of helpless women to a lifetime of poverty by forcing them to have 15 children, a few clarifications must be made. First, the Church does not teach that Catholics must have countless children until menopause kicks in. Second, the Church teaches that in cases of poverty and other "serious conditions," people can use Natural Family Planning (NFP) to avoid pregnancy, and thanks to advancements in Napro technology and fertility monitors, NFP can be as easy as a click of a button, and it's 98% effective, and women don't have to pump themselves full of chemicals and turn the "freaking fish transgender."

Now onto Melinda Gates's broader hope that the Church under Pope Francis will change its teaching "over time," for example, "contraception is okay in some instances" one day and "okay in all instances" the next. Apply this to any other moral teaching (homosexuality, abortion) that progressives like Gates would like to see the Church "evolve" on (she works with Planned Parenthood regularly, BTW).

Well, not to dash her hopes, but no, and by no, I mean never, cannot happen, negatory, do not pass go. Better off hoping Hillary Clinton will be the first female POTUS. For Gates and others like her to say this, be they the media or defecting Catholics, proves they know absolutely nothing about Catholicism other than the Pope wears a funny hat and drives around in a Popemobile.

Let's unlock what would actually happen if the Church were to suddenly have a "come to Jesus moment" on any of these moral teachings: abortion, homosexuality, contraception, and divorce.

The Catholic Church spans all seven continents with an estimated congregation of 1.2 billion people in virtually every country. While the Catholic Church has lost prominence in the West due to cultural acceptance of these practices, it compensates with growing congregations in Africa, Asia, and Eastern Europe, where such cultural revolutions are met with a resounding "no." Pope Francis has even called efforts in the West to blackmail these nations with financial aid into changing their attitudes as "ideological colonization."

Even if Francis were the most revolutionary Pontiff in all of history, for him to suddenly declare these acts no longer sinful would essentially mean that the Catechism of the Catholic Church, all 265 of his predecessors, nearly 2,000 years of church tradition, and the Holy Bible itself got it completely wrong. The results would be schisms that make the Protestant Reformation look like a family reunion. The Catholic Church would cease to exist, which would probably make Gates and her progressive pals really happy, but that's a fantasy.

Melinda Gates would do herself well to pick up an actual Catechism and read what the Church teaches before slandering its moral teachings as a heartless decree to keep people in poverty. In actuality, children do not bring poverty to a family, but rather children out of wedlock. So maybe she should tell her pals over at Planned Parenthood to stop promoting promiscuity with "National Condom Week," and while she's at it, she can tell them to quit their practice of child sacrifice and selling their organs off for profit.

The Romans called; they want their institution back.